I started posting back in June of 07 so I am coming up on 3 years of this stuff. I can't remember how to link an old thread but my original post is under hurtinginside. That sounded kind of gay after some time had passed so I changed to Matt-14.
Not much has changed over the years except for the way I deal with things. I have accepted that things may not work out which is okay. It's not what I want but.... I did move out this past March because she was miserable and I didn't want to be the cause of that anymore. I love my wife and accept that I have a part to play in the downfall of our marriage.
I don't think there was ever an OM. I know in the beginning she had an EA over a guy she used to like in high school. Her 20 year reunion was coming up and I guess thats why she started to think of him. He was married and it didn't go anywhere and maybe more recently another EA with someone at work. I think there was an attraction but he is married and she told me he is not going to leave his wife and she is not getting involved in that.
We are nice to each other and still do things together with the kids. I think she feels much guilt for what she has done to me and the kids but she was not happy and still isn't.
She didn't have a great child hood - alcoholic father (still is) and a mother that I think sort of just stood by. They both argue constantly and have since I met them. Her brother (a year younger than her) died when he was 19 from Leukemia. This was probably two years after we met. And...to top it off she has Rheumatoid arthritis. Because of it she was prescribed pain pills which became an addiction. She is in a controlled program with a counselor now to get off of the pills which is good. I think our problems started about the time she stopped taking the pain medicine. Maybe they were there before and I just didn't notice. She has told me she was not happy for a long time and the medicine just covered everything up.
I was devastated at first but have accepted the situation and feel bad for her.
I guess that sums things up. I wanted to ask HeartsBlessing another question but did not want to do it on someone elses thread so I decided to start my own.
Matt-14, you've been at this a long time. You do realize that you were not the cause of your W's misery, don't you? Please don't expect that she will be happier now that you've moved out.
Has your W received any IC to help her identify the issues that she hasn't ever dealt with?
Is your W's RA under control? My oldest sister has it and it can be an insidious disease and a real zapper of strength and PMA. Does your W take any ADs?
How are your children dealing with you moving out?
I'm so sorry that you find yourself still here but you certainly have to be commended for hanging in there as long as you have.
I can't remember how to link an old thread but my original post is under hurtinginside. That sounded kind of gay after some time had passed so I changed to Matt-14.
LOL! Welcome back.
Quote:
Not much has changed over the years except for the way I deal with things.
That's all you can do.
Quote:
I was devastated at first but have accepted the situation and feel bad for her.
I too feel bad for my ex. In the beginning I think it's important to understand what the forces are that drive this crazy train.
We'll never have all of the answers.
You've been at this for quite some time, the only thing I have to offer at the moment is a word of caution. Analyzing all of the craziness can suck you back into the whirlwind. I'm not saying that is the case, I'm just saying be careful.
I realize I'm not the cause and I am hoping that moving out helps her to see that also.
With the addiction, she sees a counselor in a group setting and I believe they discuss family and other issues that pertain to why the addiction came about. I think she might be better off talking to an IC where she might be more willing to open up.
RA is a nasty disease. She had J(juvenile)RA when she was a kid and had to wear braces and get a lot of shots and then it went away or into remission and then it came back when she became pregnant with our second child.
No AD's but I have always thought it might help. I can't really suggest that anymore because it would be seen as I am trying to fix her and she is not broken. I have heard that line so many times in the past.
She has had a really rough life....I don't know if I would have been able to deal with all the things she has had to.
I think we both have put the kids first and they appear to be doing well.....considering. I have them two nights a week and every other weekend.
I forgot how to cut and paste but you said the following:
You've been at this for quite some time, the only thing I have to offer at the moment is a word of caution. Analyzing all of the craziness can suck you back into the whirlwind. I'm not saying that is the case, I'm just saying be careful.
You are sooooooo right and I think that is why I did not post that much and sort of walked away for a while.
after some time had passed so I changed to Matt-14. 
