Dazed and Confused...Need Advice!!!!

[SMM23]

I really thought things were going good in R. I realize that it had only been about 2 months of DB'ing but my talking and interacting relationship with my wife is better than ever. So I thought things were going back in the right direction. So on the advice of a friend, I asked her to a weekend getaway without our S4 so that we could unwind. The answer I got I never expected. She asked what made me think things were OK? I made a mistake by staying in the house and giving you false hope. (She is in the house but in a separate bedroom) To that I said why is that a problem. She said because I already made my decision 2 years ago that it was over and it is over. It just took me this long to finally tell you.

I was FLOORED. I did not know what to say. I finally said that we have been so good talking and interacting and that is a great first step in fixing things. She said that she does not want to fix things and that she has not since before she gave me the Dear John letter. I was so floored that I forgot my DB'ing and talked about the changes I made and what a different person I am now. She agreed, but said, who changes his whole life in 2 months. To which I told her that it is amazing what you can change when pressed. Like the stories you see where the mother picks up a car to save her child that is under it. She said yeah. I also asked if the changes were good. To which she said, yes but they do not seem real. I do not want you to become something because I want you to be that way. I told her that I changed so that I can live WITHOUT her. And she did not make me change anything. She did not know what to say to that.

Then I finally said that nothing can be solved without help. I asked if she would see a DC. She reluctantly said yes. I asked why so reluctant and she said that she does not want to hurt my feelings is why she is going, and that it would either fix or put an end to this. I asked what that meant becasue she made a grit your teeth, anguished face. She said she was pissed off because once again she cannot do what she wants to do. (That is just leave). So I told her, then why the hell are you still here. I said that I am more than capable of handling things on my own and if you want to leave, leave but quit teasing me. She said she does not know why she is still there but she has not left. Although she did say that she regrets coming back to the house because it gave me false hope. That she let me talk her into something again that she did not want to do. I said, there is the door. But she did not even act like she was getting off the couch.

I know that what she wants is freedom. She wants to go out and party and to have a good time and she does not think she can do any thing when she is married to me. We have been together for so long that she feels like she never got to experience those things. So now I believe that there is a mix of MLC in here. She wants to have no responsibilities and go do what she wants to do but she has her S and me and she is worried that she is gonig to do something that will hurt us.

So it was now 3 hours of conversation going over the same stuff and 3 AM and we both needed to work the next morning. So we went to bed. But then after I went into my room she came in and gave me a hug and a kiss. WTF? Then again this morning I got up did my normal routine and went in gave my S4 a kiss and a hug and was about to leave when she came in and started talking to me and gave me a kiss and a hug and said cheerfully, "got all your stuff for work and school? " She never asks me that stuff. Then she asked if S4 was up and I said he gave me a kiss and hug and laid back down but was awake. She asked me to start waking him up on certain days and that was her way of checking to see if I did what she asked me a couple weeks ago.

So what the hell does it all mean? She is going to go to DC she says now. But her family really does not want us together for a lot self serving of reasons, they do not care what she wants. They have treated her like crap for years, she talks about it all the time especially recently. She works in the family business so I cannot get her away from the negative influence. Please help me understand what the heck is going on. Is this normal? What steps do I take now?