My heart is open. I'm not giving up, but for my own sanity how to I keep going on like I have been? I don't want my D to think I gave up and she wont. I would rather show my D that you can forgive if the other party is willing to be repentant. But if they aren't do you just sit there and wait? I dont' want my D or my S to see that people can walk all over you, take off, then come back whenever they want.
I'm not God, I cannot wait forever. And I know that there have been people that have been seperated for years and reconciled. I just don't want to wait that long.
I know a D is going to hurt, but sitting here watching her go down this distructive path and expecting her to wake up "some day" just isn't something I feel like I can or want to do. I feel as though if I take her back i'm more foolish than beleving that she hasn't slept with other people by now.
I don't give up easily. I don't like to loose. I wasn't raised that way. I do want to be happy, I don't want my children to be unhappy because they see me suffer cause their mom is a physco.
I feel in my heart that I have done enough. That although I made mistakes, it gives her no excuse to ditch me when I was at my worst(which wasn't that bad), and cheat on me, then justify it by saying "in my mind we aren't married" I love her still but it isn't the same.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
