Some of these things will take months to workout. Somehow it has to be her that wants to represent you. I guess keep doing your thing and inviting her along. In time you'll be able to do dates. I know a couple of guys who got this far out, and in the end the wife had to prefer the husband to any single person BS situation. A quote, "my husband is so sexy, I think I'm going to have him tonite". If she has a cheering section, I guess its going to be good for them to broadcast these sentiments to the wife. So its going to take a while.
You've been getting alot of new advice from people. Just go ahead and journal what your W has been doing and go from there. Before she used to ask you to watch tv with her. Has something changed since then?
I know you haven't been snooping and been leaving her alone for the most part. Maybe what you need to do is to stay "dim". Continue to be friendly, yet when she starts pushing the issue with checking your phone, etc. Tell her you have nothing to hide but do not appreciate her grabbing your phone and checking your logs. It's rude disrespectful. Especially when she gives half @$$ answers about her calls.
I think things are at a transitional stage with her where now she feels she has to call all or nothing. Present her with a new option. The OIN who is respectful of her needs and wants, but one who is not going to be pushed into a corner. A person who can stand on his own.
Sounds like that's what she wants. Just my 2cents.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
FWIW, alot of your posts seem to be centered on your sitch. I would suggest you start your own thread and tailor whatever you need in your sitch there.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
You've been getting alot of new advice from people. Just go ahead and journal what your W has been doing and go from there. Before she used to ask you to watch tv with her. Has something changed since then?
I know you haven't been snooping and been leaving her alone for the most part. Maybe what you need to do is to stay "dim". Continue to be friendly, yet when she starts pushing the issue with checking your phone, etc. Tell her you have nothing to hide but do not appreciate her grabbing your phone and checking your logs. It's rude disrespectful. Especially when she gives half @$$ answers about her calls.
I think things are at a transitional stage with her where now she feels she has to call all or nothing. Present her with a new option. The OIN who is respectful of her needs and wants, but one who is not going to be pushed into a corner. A person who can stand on his own.
Sounds like that's what she wants. Just my 2cents.
OIN is doing really well. I wish I was at that point. If she's going to check his phone ( which he should discourage ), he should check her phone. Any similar issue which my be a related to "transparency" should be handled the same way. In the next couple of weeks, I think they should have one thing that they spend time doing. Watching TV together maybe, on the same couch.
We often watch TV together. She does not necessarily ask, it just happens. A few times she has asked me if I would like to watch a movie.
I have been using this forum as a journal for the most part.
I have received a a lot of advice (much appreciated). I have been following the advice of the DB coach and that is to act as if she were my sister. Be kind and courteous as if she were my sister rather than my W.
What I do know at this point, is my W has great respect for her father and I heard her say that his GF should be "proud to have someone like you." I have thought about this and determine what about her fathers personality toward his GF can I learn from. Most of it her father being very loving and caring but I do not have that pleasure at this point.
Something my W said that got to me last night...FIL GF is now speaking more clearly and can be understood. FIL tells GF ILY and she responds. We leave and as we are walking ny W says "I am so happy she can talk and be understood and is now able to say ILY back." And here we are not saying ILY by choice.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
We often watch TV together. She does not necessarily ask, it just happens. A few times she has asked me if I would like to watch a movie.
I have been using this forum as a journal for the most part.
I have received a a lot of advice (much appreciated). I have been following the advice of the DB coach and that is to act as if she were my sister. Be kind and courteous as if she were my sister rather than my W.
What I do know at this point, is my W has great respect for her father and I heard her say that his GF should be "proud to have someone like you." I have thought about this and determine what about her fathers personality toward his GF can I learn from. Most of it her father being very loving and caring but I do not have that pleasure at this point.
Something my W said that got to me last night...FIL GF is now speaking more clearly and can be understood. FIL tells GF ILY and she responds. We leave and as we are walking ny W says "I am so happy she can talk and be understood and is now able to say ILY back." And here we are not saying ILY by choice.
Spending time with the father ( especially if he endorses you ) could be a good idea. Its definately a good example...
Not much interaction today. W said she was exhausted and really tired. We ran a few errands together but talk was limited nothing to really take stock. Once we returned home W went to bed where she remained up till I left for work. For the most she was distant and cold... I remained level headed and acted "as if"
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Believe this, it will make her more tired to keep you shut out than embracing you in her presense. Keeping that guard up takes energy, and means stress.
Keep doing what your doing, and all you can do is stay as "open" as you can around her without hurting yourself. You guys gotta do some activities together that are "fun".
I picked my W for work this morning. We had a few descent conversations, she initiated a couple of them. When she exited the vehicle, she did not respond when I said "bye"
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
What do you suppose would happen if you stopped saying 'bye' to your W?
She RARELY responds to you when you say it.
Wouldn't this, in a way, be a 180 for you?
Who knows you might get a 'bye' from HER to see if YOU respond.
M55 H55 my D31 H D30 1st met her when she was 25 M 22yrs...2nd for me, 1st for H OW 2005 mother of H daughter, came back to introduce D 1bomb 6/05 2bomb 7/08 3bomb 2/10 moved up north
