how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

OTM, what my H thinks would be fair is what he and i discussed prior to him moving out. he wants to keep the bike and pay me monthly for it - so that i can use that money to then pay the bill since it comes to me. he also wants to pay me the 9k in monthly installments. when i challenged that (after talking to a L), he was livid. he clearly wants to walk away from this, keeping what he wants to keep, the way he wants to keep it.

i'm not interested in taking him to court for the lump sum...if he wants to pay it monthly, that's fine with me. it's his sense of entitlement that gets me. he tells me how hard he's worked to provide for me and how he worked so hard to make bigger payments on my debts (which, by the way, over half of which were charges he put on my credit card and line of credit), and how he thought he was being so fair and generous with the agreement as it was. how effed up it is of ME to even ask him for that money all upfront, especially knowing that he was in between jobs. i'm sorry for that, but i didn't make him leave and i certainly didn't make him quit his damn job. he walked away from our M and then walked away from his job, which puts my financial welfare at risk...i make a THIRD of what he makes and i depend on him to help me cover my expenses. but now he wants to act so self righteous and tell me that he's being such a hero by even giving me what he's offered to give me to begin with.

then he has the nerve to tell me that it's been INCREDIBLY PAINFUL for him to part with THE DOG (as if him giving up the dog to me should be enough of a condolence for the fact that he wants to divorce me or something)...oh really, H??? it's hard for you to part with the dog BUT NOT ME?? i didn't respond that way, i did tell him that i knew how hard it was for him and that i felt badly for having the dog.

i will have my L contact his sister (she is a family lawyer and is not acting as my H's "official" L, but i'm sure she's advising him to help him keep his costs down) because at this point it's a lot of back and forth BS. he had the nerve to tell me on the phone yesterday that he KNEW this wasn't going to be amicable. what is amicable about HIM wanting to leave, and then HIM outlining the terms of how that leaving will work out on paper??

I CALL YOUR BS, H.