Show of hands - expose or not - success stories

[25yearsmlc]

Last post just to journal:H went to MIL's tonight and said the following:
DSS15 and DSD16 are ready to go out into the world. They're pretty much grown.
He has to talk to me about separating our finances.
He has no contact with OW - she has to work on her own issues and he has to work on his (with no communication with me?)
I'm pretty much living my own life and we don't talk (true, but not by my choice)
He has to talk to me about what we're doing and where we're heading
He's sleeping on the couch but that the kids don't know b/c it's all put away by the time they're awake.
He's still certain that we're heading for D and thinks I've accepted it.

Comments? Should I continue to GAL or have a talk with him?

Well I'll bite, even though it's yet another "poll"...Pass, what is there to say that you have not said to him already? Have you done any 180's for more than a week or two? Could silence be one of them?

I mean you have had a lot of time in this sitch and it's not the first time and you have done a lot of talking. When you bring up the R or the future (Which IS R talk) or the A, which is also R talk, does it help? If he wants a divorce what diff does it make TO HIM, that you want him to stop all contact and all that...?? I mean isn't he thumbing his nose at you anyhow?

And if you are tempted to say "sometimes talking helps!" ask yourself if what you are referring to is a ML session when he's in the mood. B/C that is not what I mean by "R talk changing things"....what you really need to see is a change in him from talking about the R and so far all it does is push him away. You continue to force him to defend his choices by attacking and questioning them and yet you don't enforce or set meaningful boundaries (meaningless if not enforced) so what is the point of more talk? Besides, what he said isn't written in stone. It's what he said that hour of the day to his mother. So what? Believe nothing he says and only half of what he does.
I recall my DB coach saying that when you ask questions like "Why are you...." or "How can you do...?" it makes the listener defensive. When they get defensive they defend and solidify their answers. You want him to hear his own tiny little voice of conscience, IF HE HAS ONE that he can hear, and he cannot hear that when you are pursuing him and doing the R talk thing and correcting what he told his mother or defending yourself or wondering if he ever loved you and blah blah blah driving yourself crazy over this man....
Forget what he told her!

Are you at all financially protected if you guys split up? Would you poss be better off given his spending habits? I'm only asking to make sure you are not harming yourself in any way by waiting around for the other shoe to drop which sort of seems like what your life is like now.
that's my 2 cents. Hope you have a great time the next few days and that YOU take good care of yourself.
J-