Number 8's Revelations, Mistakes, and New Methods

[flowmom]

8, I have sympathy for what you're going through. I remember the feeling of disbelieving outrage that I had as H slowly removed his belongings from our home. But to be honest, I didn't feel like he had to ask my permission to do that (unless they were clearly mutually owned/used items) or even notify me that he was going to. I think that asking for notification before he enters your home is a reasonable request. Asking for him to notify you before removing belongings that are his, is not helpful for your sitch IMO. If you have a tendency to manage him and overcompensate, then you don't want to be in scenarios where he feels like he's asking you for permission to do things that he has a right to do. You're totally justified in feeling a whole range of feelings about the separation and all the milestones of that (like moving his stuff out), but I want to discourage you from making it be about *how* he does those milestones. Every piece of evidence of them cutting their ties with us just plain hurts like hell and I would just focus on going through the grief of confronting the evidence of his intentions.