still separated, in limbo, still hopeful

[newmama]

He noticed it I am sure- I was trying to ask him to stop doing something so I said "HONEY! Uh I mean __!"

Warning- tonight my post is not full of PMA. I will be okay again tomorrow but just needed to warn you.

I drove to the courthouse today to get some info on the child custody class (in case he says he wants to file or in case I want to but am too stubborn right now). While on my way I said "if I am not supposed to do this, let me get lost!" ANd low and behold (lol) I DID and had to consult my GPS. So then I saw how to get there. I said "if I am not supposed to do this, let the place be closed!" but it was open. So I take S out and put him in the stroller and choke back tears because the last time I was there was 5 years ago when we got married.

I walk into the place and notice all the signs that say JUSTICE COURT (no where is FAMILY COURT) mentioned. I realize- I went to the wrong courthouse!You get married there but divorced at another. So that was pretty trippy IMO. I was thinking ok just hang in there a little bit longer....I will not say because someone will say NEWMAMA YOU SAID APRIL 15!! (or whatever)



Ok some other fun stuff- I was leafing through a VS clearance catalogue in front of WH and found satin pjs. He didn't know what I found. I still don't have any-there were some for 30 bucks! So I was ordering on line. Of course I was sure to leave the catalog open to a page with sexy panties. Oh and I purposely did some other stuff but won't mention it because it is kind of pathetic...well maybe later I will mention it. And I was sure to put my cell phone in my pocket in front of him as I walked upstairs to change for working out- I used to leave it out on the counter.

Well here is my other thought- if he is waiting for me to file he is mistaken. I do not want to alleviate any of his guilt! He deserves to tell people we are divorcing and they will want to know why!!!! I also want him to be the one to go through every step on his own accord.

When I am 100% done I decided I will initiate the new drop off pick up visitation. I am close. I think that will pave the way to D so it is MY LAST RESORT. I told you I wouldn't drop the rope until I was ready for D.