still separated, in limbo, still hopeful

[flowmom]

NM, I mentioned mothering.com as a place where I connected with moms who share a lot of interests and parenting style with me. I wasn't necessarily recommending it for you if that parenting style doesn't resonate with you. Mothering.com is definitely more focused on attachment parenting and "crunchy" living . If that's not your bag, you may not click with those groups. I don't think that you have to meet specific criteria to participate, but you would have to have an open mind and be prepared to be challenged if your parenting choices differ from the majority there

I guess my point was that meeting local moms online really worked for me because I was able to make those connections to I could build on IRL. Getting to know moms only IRL with my nutty children has always been hard because of the distractions.

I know you'll find a way

[avermont]

NewMama, checking in late on your "Fears" posting.

Yes, all those things could happen. But they aren't happening now. Quoting Byron Katie here: the stories we tell ourselves are so much worse than the reality will ever be.

I told myself there was NO way X would ever sell the house to me. But he did (or will, assuming I get the mortgage)

I am not downplaying your fears. They are real, and they can be paralyzing.

BUT WE DON'T KNOW THE FUTURE. If your H breaks up with OW at some point, who knows if you will really be "torn" by that time???

As down as I am, sometimes I have to say: well, my present is sucky enough. Why torture myself imagining an even suckier future??

I don't know if that helps. This is soooo hard, we all know that.

(((newmama)))

[newmama]

Thanks ladies! FM now I see what you are saying-check out any local moms group! And I am too lazy to be crunchy if that makes sense haha!

And Avermont, I see your point too-which is why I really need to hash this stuff out with my therapist. I am the kind of person who has achieved every goal I have set with hard work and patience. So that is why I don't want to give this up. I also want to hear something positive about a child growing up in this weird way- knowing NOTHING less. Meaning equally going back and forth not only seeing dad every other weekend. But that is my issue and I will save it for my therapist who gets paid!

[Marked&Healed]

GREAT job on the weight loss. Way to go!

No comments on the mothering stuff. Sorry, kids came to me already 4 and 8 LOL.

[newmama]

Passenger- I have been meaning to thank you for your support and that I also want to read your thread but it moves soooo fast! I will need to settle in and start it from first to last!!

[newmama]

crap I am so embarrassed I just accidentally called WH HONEY!!!!! I quickly said I mean _ (his name).

[4luv]

I did that before too newmama. Don't worry...just act like it didn't happen.

[newmama]

He noticed it I am sure- I was trying to ask him to stop doing something so I said "HONEY! Uh I mean __!"

Warning- tonight my post is not full of PMA. I will be okay again tomorrow but just needed to warn you.

I drove to the courthouse today to get some info on the child custody class (in case he says he wants to file or in case I want to but am too stubborn right now). While on my way I said "if I am not supposed to do this, let me get lost!" ANd low and behold (lol) I DID and had to consult my GPS. So then I saw how to get there. I said "if I am not supposed to do this, let the place be closed!" but it was open. So I take S out and put him in the stroller and choke back tears because the last time I was there was 5 years ago when we got married.

I walk into the place and notice all the signs that say JUSTICE COURT (no where is FAMILY COURT) mentioned. I realize- I went to the wrong courthouse!You get married there but divorced at another. So that was pretty trippy IMO. I was thinking ok just hang in there a little bit longer....I will not say because someone will say NEWMAMA YOU SAID APRIL 15!! (or whatever)



Ok some other fun stuff- I was leafing through a VS clearance catalogue in front of WH and found satin pjs. He didn't know what I found. I still don't have any-there were some for 30 bucks! So I was ordering on line. Of course I was sure to leave the catalog open to a page with sexy panties. Oh and I purposely did some other stuff but won't mention it because it is kind of pathetic...well maybe later I will mention it. And I was sure to put my cell phone in my pocket in front of him as I walked upstairs to change for working out- I used to leave it out on the counter.

Well here is my other thought- if he is waiting for me to file he is mistaken. I do not want to alleviate any of his guilt! He deserves to tell people we are divorcing and they will want to know why!!!! I also want him to be the one to go through every step on his own accord.

When I am 100% done I decided I will initiate the new drop off pick up visitation. I am close. I think that will pave the way to D so it is MY LAST RESORT. I told you I wouldn't drop the rope until I was ready for D.

[newmama]

ok I will only share the silly stuff if we end up R. For now it is my secret!

But I am having a fun long distance friendship with a man that started platonic JUST FRIENDS and now there is attraction plus some caring feelings. Luckily he lives across the country so we are safe. He has kids too and his W has initiated divorce. I feel zero guilt for this indulgence and am grateful to have met him. His W left him and traded down when she picked out OM and we have spent hours and hours and hours analyzing both of our sitches then talking about fun stuff too!

So if WH files for D I will make sure I meet this wonderful man!!!

[avermont]

GOOD FOR YOU!!