Single and Loving It???

[LolaL]

First things first...limited use is always allowed! That was one thing I enjoyed about the Boy Toy was that there was never any chance of a relationship. It was just doing the horizontal mambo...

Romeo the actual divorce was final about six weeks ago, however we had been separated before that for 2.5 years. I have also been out of Texas, where the SG is for almostr a year now. I have not seen him for that long.

I allowed myself the luxury of feeling every feeling in the past year, the anger, the sadness, falling back into the depression to pull myself out of it again. I have to say that the end for me was realizing that I was sick to death of hearing about how bad the SG's life was going, the "whoa is me" complaining. Although I had hoped that he would pull out of that, he hasn't, and unless something drastic happens, I see him repeating the same mistakes again and again. He has not done the work.

I will say that I have finally accomplished walking away from the SG with love. I do love him, and poart of me always will. But I realize that I am such a different person now after the past three years. I am such a different person than when I first started posting a year and a half ago.


Although this was probably the most painful thing I have ever experienced, I have learned so much. I cannot say I am glad I went through it, because when I married the SG, I meant every word.

He didn't.

I know I had my faults, and I have worked hard. But the biggest fault I had was losing myself. It took me a long time, but I have really found who I am. There was a time when I posted that I was not sure who I was w/o the SG, and I really struggled with that. But now, I have really overcome the separation and divorce, the financial ruin and having to file bankruptcy, losing several jobs, losing my precious Kevin, and relocating across the country. I managed to find myself a job I love, an apartment I adore (although I cannot stand my neighbors downstairs), and realizing that the most important person to me right now is the Tween. I have learned to look at myself and love myself, to love God in a way I never knew was possible, and to forgive myself. I am not perfect, and am not supposed to be. I am worthy of having someone love me for who I am, not who they want me to be. I am capable of returning that love, w/o condition, just because.

I have learned to appreciate little things, like the changing seasons, the laughter of the Tween and watching her grow, my older daughters who have become very protective of the Tween, my beautiful grandchildren. I appreciate my father and brothers, and my dad's wife. I take each day a gift, and thank God for what I do have, rather than what I don't.

I wanted the SG back for such a long time.

Now, I don't.

I don't mind being on my own. I do get lonely, but I also realize that is okay. I have learned to appreciate the quiet.