Single and Loving It???

[ImprovedRomeo]

Lola, how long has it been since your D finalized? Was it last month? How long were you separated before that (if at all)? Sorry I couldn't find your original sitch but I'd love to be in your position some day. If the D made you stronger (as opposed to being in the limbo) I want to look forward to that day then. Some people say even after two years since the D they still often want their spouse back...just the thought of that is disconcerting.

Kalni, I read elsewhere your LL is physical touch - where have you been all my life? LOL Seriously though, after my STBXW I was starting to believe that women agree to it just to keep us guys happy and it's not something they actually enjoy themselves.

[LolaL]

First things first...limited use is always allowed! That was one thing I enjoyed about the Boy Toy was that there was never any chance of a relationship. It was just doing the horizontal mambo...

Romeo the actual divorce was final about six weeks ago, however we had been separated before that for 2.5 years. I have also been out of Texas, where the SG is for almostr a year now. I have not seen him for that long.

I allowed myself the luxury of feeling every feeling in the past year, the anger, the sadness, falling back into the depression to pull myself out of it again. I have to say that the end for me was realizing that I was sick to death of hearing about how bad the SG's life was going, the "whoa is me" complaining. Although I had hoped that he would pull out of that, he hasn't, and unless something drastic happens, I see him repeating the same mistakes again and again. He has not done the work.

I will say that I have finally accomplished walking away from the SG with love. I do love him, and poart of me always will. But I realize that I am such a different person now after the past three years. I am such a different person than when I first started posting a year and a half ago.


Although this was probably the most painful thing I have ever experienced, I have learned so much. I cannot say I am glad I went through it, because when I married the SG, I meant every word.

He didn't.

I know I had my faults, and I have worked hard. But the biggest fault I had was losing myself. It took me a long time, but I have really found who I am. There was a time when I posted that I was not sure who I was w/o the SG, and I really struggled with that. But now, I have really overcome the separation and divorce, the financial ruin and having to file bankruptcy, losing several jobs, losing my precious Kevin, and relocating across the country. I managed to find myself a job I love, an apartment I adore (although I cannot stand my neighbors downstairs), and realizing that the most important person to me right now is the Tween. I have learned to look at myself and love myself, to love God in a way I never knew was possible, and to forgive myself. I am not perfect, and am not supposed to be. I am worthy of having someone love me for who I am, not who they want me to be. I am capable of returning that love, w/o condition, just because.

I have learned to appreciate little things, like the changing seasons, the laughter of the Tween and watching her grow, my older daughters who have become very protective of the Tween, my beautiful grandchildren. I appreciate my father and brothers, and my dad's wife. I take each day a gift, and thank God for what I do have, rather than what I don't.

I wanted the SG back for such a long time.

Now, I don't.

I don't mind being on my own. I do get lonely, but I also realize that is okay. I have learned to appreciate the quiet.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Lola sounds like you've come a long way! you should be really proud of yourself. Thank you for sharing the background and the wisdom.

[NoLongerHere]

Ditto. So much of that I can relate to.

[LolaL]

Oh this was a really good lunch date...

[Babygirl]

oh you better start talking, I been waiting allllllll day for you to tell us lol!

[MichelleLT]

Tease

[LolaL]

Well, we got lunch from the sandwich shop on the first floor and went outside to the picnic area to eat. Yes, he paid for it. He seems to be a long term kind of guy, although he has not been married, he has had two significant long term relationships. The first was with the mother of his S19, the second with a woman he was w/ for 8 years. She decided to call it quits. That was about 2 years ago, so sufficient time has gone by. I gave a brief history of my relationship status, joking that if he wanted to bolt and run now was the time to do it. We talked about kids, jobs, vacations, family. He was very nice, good looking, kinda short for a guy, but that’s not a bad thing he is still taller than me. Means I won’t have to wire spike heels. We talked about things we like to do. All it all, it was a great 45 min first meeting, enough to keep me interested. There was mention of a drink after work and shooting pool but no specifics. I did send a quick email when I got back thanking him for a great lunch and wishing him a happy afternoon.

If he asks, I will go out with him again. If not, I have a memory of a great lunch date!

[MichelleLT]

YAY! Sounds perfect. And love your attitude!

[Kalni]

Sounds...NORMAL!!! Dont you love the feeling of being surrounded by NORMAL people/men? AT least till he prooves to be a fruitcake-(hopefully not-LOL)
xxx
K