From what I can see from reading, your husband looks to be going through the "awakening" process...the OW doesn't look as enticing as she once did.....his life is in shambles...he knows this and guilt is weighing heavily upon him. His confusion has started again, evidenced by his forgetting days, dates, time, etc...that is also a preliminary of the awakening they experience. It is also a time of the crossroads of decision. He is there, now, trying to figure out what he needs to do.
His attempting to reconnect with son is actually a good sign that he's doing some deep thinking. Things don't look right, smell or taste right, still yet, and only he can decide to come forward...and you're doing right in continuing to let him go.
Him looking so terrible recently, is evidence of the battle being waged within..which is ALSO part of the awakening process. Anyone who is suffering a battle of the mind/morals always looks like crap that has been twice processed...no sleep, no rest for the wicked is how it's been termed before.
His mind, once again is running at full speed, and I think he's afraid of every little thing in the dark that seems to be coming for him.
I almost feel sorry for him..it is a terrible time to be had. The conscience can be a hard taskmaster when a person has done what he clearly knows is wrong. Yet, when wrong is being committed, the suffering/guilt is severe.
Things could go either way at this point. He could decide to dump the OW, and begin to come forward, or he could continue on this path, willfully cast his conscience aside and decide to continue what he's doing; even to the point he might decide to marry OW.
I'm hoping he chooses to dump the OW and come forward, at least to get on a more moral path toward his own wholeness; even if that path doesn't lead back toward you in the beginning.
OW is doing NOTHING for him, except dragging him deeper into his own destruction.....on a side note, if he comes back toward you, and you reject him, he will suffer the SAME feelings he put you through.
I'm not saying that for you to feel sorry for him; he CHOSE his path, and if he loses all because of this path, he deserves what he gets.
MLC or not, people ALWAYS have a choice to make, good or bad. Even though the MLC'er exists in a fog, the choice was always there to make for them..and most make the WRONG choices, getting into trouble, suffering consequences that are harsh most of the time.
That said, what you mete out, in the way of good or bad, WILL come back. It might not come in the SAME form you sent it out, but it will come back and bite you hard; what comes around, goes around. If good, it comes back better. If bad, it comes back worse. That is my belief on that.
You, my dear, are doing GREAT..PMA is great, you're getting right on with your life, and you KNOW that you'll be fine regardless of what happens. From what I can see in your writings, if he attempts to come back to you, you'll most likely NOT have him back unless MAJOR changes occur within him.
If so, this would be the result of the changes of perspective within you over this time that he's been gone. You've learned that marriage is not a means to an end, and you are a VERY successful person.
You are an inspiration to many here on the board, Mandyloo, believe that.
Take care of yourself, if you don't, no one will.
Much love and hugs to you, HB
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
