Is this piecing?

[flowmom]

I see your concerns and I was dealing with the same kind of thing before the separation. On the plus side, I think that H has pulled up his socks about parenting now that he's flying solo while on parenting duty and I'm not the ever-present "backup parent". Also, H *hates* being in our home and around me and that was likely contributing to his bad parenting once he reached a certain point of being done with our M.

Perhaps a psychologist could help both of you with a coparenting plan rather than doing MC, which is unlikely to make progress as long as he is invested in the A.

The reality is that it's unlikely that you'll have the control that you want if the D happens, and you don't have that much control over when/if the D happens either. IMO you have an opportunity to generate some goodwill by working with your H to find agreement about these things rather than being in a reactive role as he continues to rebel against parenting decisions that he apparently hasn't bought into.

I know this is so hard. I don't mean to tell you what to do. I just want to encourage you to keep coming back to what you can control and what you can't. Work on what you can control, let go of what you can't. That's the way out of suffering.