Question

[awest1217]

I agree CTH. I have gone back and forth and I think I am so wishy-washy because now he is getting some help. He is going to rehab, which is even more intense than just going to a counselor every other week for an hour. He has sessions on Saturday twice and Sunday so it is a lot more intense than just counseling so I am just wondering if I should hold out to see if things change or not.

Also I don't know where he is at with us. I can't really tell if the gift and card were a small attempt to win me back or just getting a card. I mean he didn't have to get that card. He could have done what I have done the last few times and get just generic cards that say happy birthday, but he got that one. It just all has me thinking.

Lastly, I don't know what is going on with OW. I don't check-up on him at all. I have no idea if he sees her a lot or not. I don't know if he talks to her all the time or not at all. I don't know if he stays with her when her husband is gone like last year or if he stays at his parents except when at rehab. I have also wondered if he chose this particular rehab because OW moved and really he is staying with her and going to counseling there. It all comes down to I don't know.

I have never wanted to get a D, and only felt that I should because H wasn't making any attempts towards an R at all. Now I don't know if he is really trying or just playing me for a fool. I haven't heard from him at all today or really yesterday either except for his childish text (or could also be a genuine text) about how I was enjoying my party. Otherwise I have heard nothing and I returned the text yesterday so I don't know. I don't want to file when I really don't want a D, especially now that he is getting some help. I know that he will need some time to work through his stuff before he can start working on us so I just don't know right now and although i am still planning on filing at the beginning of the summer about 1.5 months, but as we all know on this site, things can change in a sitch in a week so who knows where we could be by then. Right now I feel very distant since I don't ever know anything about him and he doesn't share much, but at the same time I have a little hope. I know crazy...

I decided to not send an e-mail. I did think about my reasoning and what you said CTH, I just needed to be reminded of. I have to do things because I feel it will help us and not becuase I want to push H to something. Also I have to be patient and let him come, if he does, on his own. He knows everything I would have written anyway so why say it again. It just kills me to think he gave me what he did this weekend and could possibly be with OW for her birthday doing who knows what next, but I can't think or focus on that.

On to making dinner