These are two separate issues. The first step we agreed upon clearly before talking about overnights was S visiting during the day. We also agreed we would talk about it ahead of time and plan.
How am I to trust H when repeatedly he hasn't a) shown up on time on the days and times we've agreed to, b)abandoned S completely on his days, c) not followed through on our agreement on beginning visits d) shown verbal and once, physical abuse to our S.
It's a cycle - I tend to hold more control as he is unreliable and sneaky and abandoning, and perhaps it goes the other way too he rebels more. But as far as I've seen he has been unreliable at best with his parenting and this concerns me a great deal. If I saw him acting lovingly and responsibly I would feel more relaxed.
