Pass reflect, reflect, reflect. Asking him to leave is a biggy for you..I agree with most views he should be well out on his a*** at this point.
I asked my H to leave on exposure of the A.I dont regret telling him to go(bit like Saf..he knew the line NOT to cross) I do regret handing him to the other woman on a plate but I did it on the spur of the moment. I was hurt and angry and he had finished with OW.(i didnt know this at the time)You are fortunate you can reflect for another day or 2..be sure but dont be frightened of the future.I think 25yrsmlc articulates beautifully what we should be thinking of although not easy. You dont need his abuse on top of the [censored] he has already dished.Value You and what you stand for..your better than that but you need the courage and strength to do so so Rest..plse hugs..xxxxx
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
Detaching is not ignoring, Allen. It's allowing yourself emotional and sometimes physical space to deal with the problem. For the record, my H is an alcoholic and I live with him. You don't always have to kick them out. You seem to advocate such extreme positions. Extremes are not always necessary.
Detaching is not ignoring, Allen. It's allowing yourself emotional and sometimes physical space to deal with the problem. For the record, my H is an alcoholic and I live with him. You don't always have to kick them out. You seem to advocate such extreme positions. Extremes are not always necessary.
If your H is managing his alcoholism by going through a program or trying to manage on his own with you helping him that's fine... but Pass' Husband is NOT managing, he's not acnowledging... he's cheating on her just to make things that much worse.
Pass, you shouldn't and your kids shouldn't have to come home to dog crap in your home and stranded children... THAT is not soemthing you should have to live with and I don't think its something anyone on this forum should be advocating you living with either.
I go extreme when addicts go extreme and mismanage their problems. If they can manage, that's great, but that is not happening here.
It is important to correctly diagnose the problem. In my own experience, I had an alcoholic son. The psychologist who I dragged him to, for whatever reason, would not diagnose him as alcoholic (probably because his mother walked in and said he was an alcoholic). He said he was depressed and put him on anti-depressants. But that was the wrong diagnosis and the wrong treatment. My son was an alcoholic, and after he was arrested for a DUI, he was put in an alcohol rehab treatment center and a full 2 year outpatient program. And guess what! He turned into a productive member of society instead of a foul-mouth, lazy, wild man.
You are wracking your brain to find another explanation for his behavior, because you don't like that one. But it fits, and if you will go to Al Anon, as the girls suggested, you will learn how to deal with it.
Yes I agree that H has a problem. I'm not sure it's addiction, he could stop - but it will become an addiction if something is not done. I just don't see what we can do, he will not stop for me, that's for darn sure.
He won't stop for you, He treats you horribly, He leaves his children stranded, He leaves the house and shows up at 5 am without any communication He refuses to be accountable for his whereabouts His friends drink and carouse regularly and encourage him He avoids accepting responsability to do any household management He leaves animals uncared for and they have to crap in thier own home and kennel... He's so drunk he can't tie his shoes most of the time His mother won't tolerate him drinking at all
Stop me when I get to the point where you think he may be dancing on the alcoholic line here?
Well, yes, I totally agree with everything you stated, and I'm not in denial, I promise, I see the problems more than you realize, I've lived with alcoholics, seen them die in my family, I know. But an alcoholic is an addict and he is not. He has a drinking problem. I'm not trying to split hairs, but the difference is that a problem drinker is someone who can quit on their own, and an alcoholic is someone who cannot. He can quit any time he wants. He is drinking to forget, not because he can't stop himself. He's in control... which in a way makes it that much worse. I do worry that he will become an alcoholic.
Here is the definition from the cdc...
What is the difference between alcoholism and alcohol abuse?
Alcoholism or alcohol dependence is a diagnosable disease characterized by several factors, including a strong craving for alcohol, continued use despite harm or personal injury, the inability to limit drinking, physical illness when drinking stops, and the need to increase the amount drunk to feel the effects.
Alcohol abuse is a pattern of drinking that results in harm to one’s health, interpersonal relationships, or ability to work. Certain manifestations of alcohol abuse include failure to fulfill responsibilities at work, school or home; drinking in dangerous situations, such as while driving; legal problems associated with alcohol use; and continued drinking despite problems that are caused or worsened by drinking. Alcohol abuse can lead to alcohol dependence.
Does it even matter which one you think he is??......you need to detach NOW!!!
M55 H55 my D31 H D30 1st met her when she was 25 M 22yrs...2nd for me, 1st for H OW 2005 mother of H daughter, came back to introduce D 1bomb 6/05 2bomb 7/08 3bomb 2/10 moved up north
