I did speak with her and asked why she did not tell me and why she did not wait till Sept. I also asked what she is looking for and she has indicated that she will go for everything.
Leads to this:
Originally Posted By: ericmsant2
As you can imagine I feel like shi* right now.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
I've never thought that you or anyone on these boards were that type of people. We all help and encourage because that is the people that we are. You my friend (as well as countless others) should take some joy in knowing that EACH of you has helped me to become that I am becoming. I will forever be grateful. You have all inspired me, challenged me, corrected me and so I once again thank you.
Am I hurt right now - Yes. Am I responsible for where I am today - yes. Will I learn from this - yes. Will I continue to be the best dad and man that I can - yes.
Mach and everyone is right - I must feel this pain. I must endure the ache in my heart but I WILL NEVER QUIT on me or my kids!
In this pain I will continue to find ME. I will continue to GROW.
To my fellow DBERS. I may be down but I'm not out of the game ...that is along as it is the right game. May you all never loose HOPE.
God Bless Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I spent at least a year of my life blaming myself for what went wrong in my M. You share responsibility in the destruction of your M. You don't own it. This is a 50/50 proposition.
The trap we can fall into is that we try and own it because that makes it easier to fix. Once you accept that you only own your share you have to let go of the other side.
Your first post on this thread was excellent. Do not let this action force you to recoil and start blaming yourself. Maybe you has something to do with the escalated D time line; maybe you didn't. No one can answer that question.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Kerry - Thanks. Going forward I will leave the legal stuff to the attnys.
C-Bart - Yep. I still have moments where I beat myself up; however I am getting better if accepting that not all of this was my fault. Right now it really does matter who's fault it is. I still need to move forward.
Drew - thanks man. Yes the more I interact with her the worst I feel. We have kids together so we will need to figure out a way of communicating. II hope we can at least manage that.
True - Gracias my friend. I need to go back and re-read my 1st post.
Cat - Hopefully I find a sunshine around the corner from this.
Good Bless Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Eric, I really feel for you and I'm so sorry this is happening. But I know that you will be OK, you will go through this and you will come out on the other side stronger and wiser. You are a great dad and you are focusing on your kids and that's the way to go right now.
Keep your chin up. As you said...you may be down but you are not out.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
please don't think about what you did or didn't do wrong. You are at a point were dwelling on those things could cause you to slide back to a point you don't want to be.
I think that one HAS to think about these things....
That is how you grow and learn, ( hopefully)....
To own your feelings, you must feel them all....
Mistakes are only mistakes as long as you learn from them and don't repeat them....
If they are repeated, then they are no longer just a mistake, they are a part of one's internal character.....
Dwelling on them and owning them are two different things IMO..
This is what I meant by ringing a bell that you didn't want to ring....
Part of the learning curve that you have been on Eric, is how YOUR reactions have rung some of the bells that have been rung.
Your reaction to this should be different, because of who you are now ,as opposed to who you were in the past..
Every interaction is an opportunity to be the man you have become and want to be....
There are many great people here who have "been served" papers...
IF you believe it is the end of life as you know it....
You are mistaken.....
Bart, I respect your opinion , I also will agree to disagree with you ....
Question for you ?
Do you feel it is beneficial to Eric ,to move forward with Eric, without some sort of gauge as to how HIS reactions , caused a domino affect to other reactions ?
And how , that in the future, his reactions could be different ?
If he does not feel this, and process this...
Then he has made no mistake and it will be repeated in future relationships...
Not just the filing of papers...
Just his reactions in general....
We learn to NOT repeat mistakes in history , be reading about them, or seeing them first hand....
IF we do them again, then we truly have not learned....
ANY...relationship in the future deserves this work..( and that includes one that MAY be with your current spouse )
Mach1, I don't think we really disagree. I think it is important to look at our past behavior and make adjustments. My point is today is not the day to do that. The emotions tied to an official notice of a D can be overwhelming. Trying to figure anything out today would be pointless and even worse counterproductive.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
