Well today and tomorrow are days of facing consequences. I'm going into the field with a client tomorrow. It's the first field day that I've had in almost two years and it's a rare opportunity to connect with him and demonstrate my professionalism. I haven't been feeling confident in my field skills, because they are "use it or lose it" skills unfortunately.
Instead of chipping away at the prep work and doing extra work to go into the situation confident and prepared, I've self-sabotaged and left most of it until that last minute. That means a late night and not being as prepared as I want to. To top it all off I have something starting in my throat and not enough sleep may mean being tired AND sick when I have to go out tomorrow.
My default feeling in this kind of situation is deep shame. My sister asked me to show compassion for myself and be more ruthless about how I manage my time today. I hate that I cause these crises for myself. I really want to learn how to be on my own side and act for my own good.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
