how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

OTM, when i remind him that i want to try counseling or that i didn't want this, all he hears is blame. he says, i know this is MY fault because of MY choices. so my reminding him seems to only serve to guilt him at this point. i say, i'm willing to do MC, i do not want this agreement, he hears, you gave up on us and now you must pay.

i tried to reiterate to him that i only brought these issues up at the advise of the lawyer and it was never my intention to ask him to give me anything i knew he didn't have. this does not seem to help sway his anger.

i know i have control to tell the L what to put in the agreement. i don't have to ask for that lump sum, and i most likely won't. i don't want lots of money. i want my M back.