Question

[ClingingToHope]

I took a marriage rebuilders class and one of the things that jumped out at me was this question? Is it true that a marriage is a 50/50 proposition. Most people said yes or they raised their hands.

That's false, the pastor teaching the workshop said. It's a 100 percent proposition on your part. You can't control H. So if you do something only because you are trying to get H to do something in return -- meet you halfway as you wrote -- you're doing it for the wrong reasons and you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

I was guilty of this for years. I'd be super hubby for three or four weeks -- cooking, cleaning, taking the kids here, there, everywhere. Then if STBXW didn't do something in return -- usually sex -- then I'd crash. You know, 'what's the use' thinking.

The email may help, but I doubt it. Haven't you emailed him in the past? You gave him a clear message -- no OW -- but then invited him to stay the other night even though you believe OW is still in the picture. It's that kind of wishy-washy thinking that probably lets him think he can keep stringing you along forever.

Don't you deserve someone willing to come 100 percent in your direction?