I hope your scenic drive goes well. I was just thinking yesterday that I'd like to do something like that on one of these pretty days. I hope you have good weather for it.
Make sure your plans tomorrow are things that will make you feel happy.
As for Tuesday, I have no idea how I'd act, either.
Please let me know how your weekend goes. ((mrbt))
Sorry to hear about all your woes. The finality of it allmust be tough on you. But NOW it is time to GAL and i mean a real life for you.
All the best
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
We had an "okay" day yesterday. The long drive was actually to make a delivery (work related thing for wife). The drive consumed most of the day. We returned to her apartment, cooked & ate dinner, drank a few glasses of wine, and watched some stuff on the Tivo. We didn't talk much about the relationship - not much point in this now. But, I think we need to talk about how we will interact post divorce. It seems like, post-divorce, things could continue as they are otherwise. I really don't know how I will act after this is done.
Me: 45 WAW: 45 | M22 | T25 | No Kids Nov 09 W Filed | Dec 09 Separation Mar 17 2010 Divorce Papers Signed | Divorce Hearing Cancelled Moved back home May 2010 PA Confirmed June 2010 | W left Dec 7 2010
Never really discussed the post-divorce thing. A few weeks ago she actually suggested living together as roommates. I know she has been looking for an apartment locally. She is still in our apartment which should can not afford on her own. I think her plan is to stay local so that she can continue her counseling and then move out of state at some point in the future - maybe 6 months from now.
Me: 45 WAW: 45 | M22 | T25 | No Kids Nov 09 W Filed | Dec 09 Separation Mar 17 2010 Divorce Papers Signed | Divorce Hearing Cancelled Moved back home May 2010 PA Confirmed June 2010 | W left Dec 7 2010
I disagree. I don't think you should discuss post divorce. To me, no relationship discussion. Your M is finished. Done. Sorry. Okay? Next? You start over. Can the two of you be together? Absolutely! But this in now a brand new relationship. You are on a new beginning. Do you discuss this? Absolutely! But I believe if you are to discuss this now, it could still be considered as pursuing to XW. You can discuss it after the D is done, unless XW wants to discuss it. Then in may be an open case, not up to you to bring up. Just my 2 cents. Hope it helps.
Thanks for the 2 cents. I guess I instinctively followed your advice about not getting into a relationship discussion. Wife stayed over again last night. The topic of divorce or post-divorce life was not discussed. She had some crazy nightmare and woke up at about 3AM to write it down.
We had breakfast together this morning and I hung around while she prepared for this morning's individual counseling session (printing out journal entries, etc.).
The post-divorce topic did come up as I walked her to the car. She said something about how things would probably be the same after Tuesday. I said that I don't know how I will act after the divorce but I do know things will not be the same.
Me: 45 WAW: 45 | M22 | T25 | No Kids Nov 09 W Filed | Dec 09 Separation Mar 17 2010 Divorce Papers Signed | Divorce Hearing Cancelled Moved back home May 2010 PA Confirmed June 2010 | W left Dec 7 2010
I am surprisingly calm this morning considering tomorrow is D-Day. Maybe I have begun to accept what is happing. Or, maybe it just doesn't feel real because we are still acting like a married couple (mostly). I will feel different tomorrow morning -- probably will not sleep much tonight.
Last edited by mrbt; 04/19/1003:27 PM.
Me: 45 WAW: 45 | M22 | T25 | No Kids Nov 09 W Filed | Dec 09 Separation Mar 17 2010 Divorce Papers Signed | Divorce Hearing Cancelled Moved back home May 2010 PA Confirmed June 2010 | W left Dec 7 2010
I am little less calm now. Wife just left my apartment - she stopped by after her counseling session. She always tells me about her sessions.
The good news is that her counselor told her that he didn't think a divorce was a good idea. The bad news is this didn't have much of an affect on her.
The counselor also told her that he would not continue her EMDR therapy if she didn't have a support person in her life (that's me at the moment).
During her visit we talked. I told her (again) that I don't know how I will act once the divorce happens. I told her I would like to be there for her but cannot make any promises.
I asked her to explain why she'd be okay living with me post-divorce but not as a married couple. She explained that she feels sexually obligated to me if we are married (the counselor advised her to avoid all sexual contact while in therapy).
Its all very strange and frustrating.
Last edited by mrbt; 04/19/1007:10 PM.
Me: 45 WAW: 45 | M22 | T25 | No Kids Nov 09 W Filed | Dec 09 Separation Mar 17 2010 Divorce Papers Signed | Divorce Hearing Cancelled Moved back home May 2010 PA Confirmed June 2010 | W left Dec 7 2010
I am little less calm now. Wife just left my apartment - she stopped by after her counseling session. She always tells me about her sessions.
The good news is that her counselor told her that he didn't think a divorce was a good idea. The bad news is this didn't have much of an affect on her.
The counselor also told her that he would not continue her EMDR therapy if she didn't have a support person in her life (that's me at the moment).
During her visit we talked. I told her (again) that I don't know how I will act once the divorce happens. I told her I would like to be there for her but cannot make any promises.
I asked her to explain why she'd be okay living with me post-divorce but not as a married couple. She explained that she feels sexually obligated to me if we are married (the counselor advised her to avoid all sexual contact while in therapy).
Its all very strange and frustrating.
Your lucky because most of our WAS do not feel "sexually obligated" to us at all. As a matter of fact many of us go cold turkey during a spouses affair session.
