Are you kidding me Allen? Detachment is the only way to sanely deal with an alcoholic. You have to remember that whatever an alcoholic says or does, it's not about you personally. It's the disease. Detaching gives you the strength to quit enabling them.
I also very strongly disagree with Allen's plan for taking the kids to the in-laws. I would confront him at home out of their earshot. Let him know that it's unacceptable to treat kids like that and you won't lie to them. They are talking to you about what's going on. DSD will eventually let her father have it. That will do more that you ever could.
