WAH in MLC with PA

[Mila]

DG (((hugs))) Your H seems to be "cycling". I know how hard it is to keep detached when one day you see a glimpse of the "old him" and the next he is a "heartless stranger".

Remember he is going through his own hell and he may be more confused then you'd ever think. So as they say on this board "Don't believe anything they do and half of what they say"

You are doing all that you can do...Taking care of you and the kids.

Hang in there

[DiamondGirl]

Have a meeting with one of the mortgage brokers tonight... And seeing another "accidentally" at my friend's house...Should find out if there is any hope at all to qualify for another house (or the one I already have)... If not, there are a few rentals I have been looking at (with either a soaker or jacuzzi tub )

Starting to feel more detached... almost to the point of being certain that H is one of the ones who feels he has done too much damage/has too much guilt to R...

And even if he is having a horrible time with OW, he avoided a difficult conversation with me for more than a year about how he was truly feeling...I can't see him having one with her any time soon.. if at all..

I don't know if I'd be able to go through all this again with him..If he ever does want to R... I've spent most of our M compensating for both of our shortcomings and lack of knowledge... I just want peace and not to have to worry about money or such.. and I don't think H will suddenly become responsible again and get a great job (and keep it) because he went to school..

Too much time spent on it, I know.. but my mind is circling with anxiety right now and trying to focus on anything I can other than whether or not I'm moving this summer..

I'm a mass of squiggling feelings and impending doom.. not a good feeling or day..

[flowmom]

The possibility of having to move is a huge deal. Esp with children it's a big transition in addition to your sitch. Keeping my fingers crossed for the best outcome for you (((DG)))

[courageous wife]

DG...keep venting on here! You may be done today but tomorrow may be different...that is why the detachment is so important and it sounds like you are getting there! It is about what is bes for you and the kids no matter what the outcome is! I am with FM and am hoping for the best!!!

[Mila]

DG when the bomb exploded at my house, the thought of having to sell the house and move was so overwhelming that I was almost physically ill...I couldn't even face the possibility. Few months later I was ready to deal with that scenario if I had to.

It takes time to adjust and come to terms with this. I hope that you'll be able to keep your home, but even if it's not to be, it will be OK, other options will open up.

[DiamondGirl]

Thanks everyone... The last few days have been rough..

I'm still waiting (and worrying) and will have to wait until Monday to have an answer as to whether or not I'm moving...

I have an appointment with the laywer that evening too and with the lease to own broker on Tuesday night...

It's going to be a loooonnnng weekend...

Still having fantasies of trying to break up the A... I keep putting the thoughts out of my head to no avail.. and I then try to figure out what it is about me that feels the need to break it...

I guess I'm still spinning emotionally and in my thoughts...

:-(

[Mila]

DG - The affair has to die a natural death....often they do. Go on with your life and do what you need to do to take care of you and the kids and observe what happens with H's affair from a distance. You never know...once it's over he may want to come back and then it will be up to you to decide if you still want him.

Hang in there girl (((hugs)))

[DiamondGirl]

Part of me knows that.... Then there's a part that says what difference does it make how it happens...

I think the house chaos has me trying to control something...anything in my life...

I feel such despair and anxiety right now...

I can't tell what direction is up...

[flowmom]

DG, you are in a tough situation. You are having to confront loss of control in so many areas of your life and that is a very hard place to be. Be super gentle with yourself. It's normal to feel anxious and stressed with everything you're going through. When the thoughts get too stressful, try to use the stop sign and reach for any thoughts that feel a bit better. Do your best to eat, sleep, go outside, and move around. I know it's hard.

(((DG)))

[DiamondGirl]

I'm really struggling with emotions today... I feel like crying and can't because I'm working non-stop today (2 jobs)...

I feel like a tiny boat on a big ocean in a hurricane... bopping around without direction or anchoring..

I'm not used to feeling as much as I have been since H left. Before then I was kind of numbed with stress and anxiety (if that makes sense).. These feelings of loss, uncertainty, regrets, anger, love and compassion roiling inside me constantly and now with more stress re: house sitch are really taking its toll on me...

How do people live with feelings everyday? It was like my feelings were there but muted because I wasn't expressing them.. now they are in bright colour and so painfully vivid..

Is there a trick to handling feelings? I can't seem to feel stable at all right now...

I feel like I'm losing what's left of my mind...