Husband left me 3 months pregnant...

[Jstar]

BD,

I had to realy think about that question if he wanted to be involved. if i went by what he said and not judged his actions i would have to say no he did not want to be involved in anything.

when i would bring up the birth-he is a put it off to last minute kind of person, he would just say he hasn't thought about it at all. this is all during seperation: i would ask again, so how do you see the birth going? He would answer, of course i should be there, y not? I would ask, how do you expect to be there for the birth when you turned your back and left us when i was 4 mnths pregnant? nothing but silence would ensue. he would express that it was his only son and he should be there of course.

even today he claims that he loves his children-i don't doubt that he has love for them, but not enough or the way a parent is supposed to put themself last and the kids are all priorities.
In his actions there is no love shown.

i can only hope that he does. I even did the, i thought that after the baby was born, meaning our first child he would have grown up and relalized his priorities and what having children all is and the sacrifices, but i do not see it.

my eldest thread is here we go again, and latest, probably a ways back is part 2 here we go again.

This friend thing, some of the long timers say there is a 3 phase plan in reconciling.
1st being friends
2nd
3rd reconnecting
I probably have them wrong but the point they make is to be friends with the WAS. I was not able to do this. Be all friendly like. There are other posters that don't agree with that either. I felt like "being friends" would just be like, yep it's over no reconciliation whatsoever, that the spouse who wanted to be friends would just use that to prove to themself they made the right choice to not be married.

i'm debating something at that moment, since our last text/convo i said i didn't think it a good idea to have any visitations until we get some rules and boundaries set up and asked him to let me know when he wanted to go over them. that's been since friday.

my debate is should i send a text prompting to discuss these things?(money, visitation, daycare, car seats etc.) Or wait a few more days?

For you i think that you can make soft plans of what your doing with naming, don't take any pressure from him about naming, you can ultimately decide with what you feel is best.

Oh i just had a thought: you could say something like this only if he brings it up and you are talking to him: I'm glad you are wanting to be an active role in your child's life with the naming and raising etc. I will support you all the way in making sure you and child have a bond. In order to protect myself and the health of the baby using a 3rd person would be best for further conversations and decisions.

it's kind of like he can participate to what extent you are comfortable and to distance yourself more from him excluding the friends issue.

Don't just take my advice i could be totally wrong. Just an idea.