Interesting how they have a way of showing their true selves to their family. Sorry this has been hard on your kids but it sounds like they will be just fine.
hang in there Alison, I am rooting for you! How is the new job going?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I think the issue of S17 paying to keep a roof over the head of his second family was the deal breaker in the end. He thought long and hard about this before Christmas before XH bought this house when he was considering come home then BUT the time was not right for him to admit these truths to himself. Now he has done that.
The job............ Well I think it might just be out of the frying pan into the fire BUT I am at least being allowed to do the job I am being paid for. The rest is mainly politics and the recession.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
The hole that XH is digging for himself gets deeper and deeper!
It was my bday yesterday. Everything went fine until just before midnight. D20 had come up to see me as a surprise (organised by my parents who had also been up for the day). After we left the restaurant she got a call from her dad. He did not know she was home.
He told her that he wanted her to have a better R with the baby. However there was one condition - that she apologise to OW for all she has said about her first They had a heated discussion for about 35 mins. XH was not in winning mode! He resorted to dirty tactics.....
HE TOLD HER THAT WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER I TRIED TO KILL HER !!!!!!!!!!
How low can this man sink?
S17 also had another novel of a txt from OW. She and XH had clearly been having an arguement about our children.
Last edited by ACJ; 04/15/1007:22 AM.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Oh yeah, like she's gonna believe THAT! Clearly she refused to apologise. Does she talk to D14? I wonder what kind of garbage he's been telling your youngest. What did OW have to say to your S?
I'm sure everything D20 said about OW is true (if it walks/swims/quacks like a duck, then it's a home-wrecking whore-- I mean duck!).
He has dug to the other side to China and is on his way back! I see that the baby is going to be currency/blackmail/hostage from her half siblings now. What stellar parents! What an awesome mother this OW is .... NOT! And they had the cheek, the gall to call you a bad mother. Yes, I also wonder what garbage is being whispered into your D14's ear. Is she the next to experiment with living with them so they can keep from "living on the streets?" God! I hope not!
Lying to a child that their mother tried to kill her is slander, IMHO. Isn't that grounds for suing? You should check with your L. Perhaps she can send a little note to him and his OW to stop slandering you or you will sue him. Just to get him scared, maybe?! He's going too far now, I think.
Take care, ACJ!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
This only shows how very very unhappy they are. Happy, soulmates do not do this kind of stuff. They are slowly sinking in the quick sand of sinful behaviors.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
As for the Dimwitted Dynamic Duo, if being together was going to make them happy, they wouldn't need to communicate with anyone else.
If having their own child was going to make them happy, they wouldn't need the love of your kids.
The OW is what she will always be, a home wrecking destroyer of families. I say that in a plural sense, because she will eventually drive your X away or leave him. They are showing how hard it is to live under the shadow of guilt their lives have created. She didn't sign on for all this unacceptance and blame.
He doesn't like feeling guilty, and wants to blame the kids because blaming you hasn't solved all his problems.
She really expected to waltz right in as an "innocent" and doesn't like feeling guilty for the damage she caused. She expected him to protect her from blame and he is failing. She can't find a way to make everything your fault, but it isn't stopping them from trying, so the kids become the target.
They both feel guilty ... cuz they are, and it will eat at them as long as they are together. Their shared bond is casting blame on everyone else. When this finally fails to absolve them, they will blame each other for their individual mistakes and unhappiness.
Be sure d20 understands she owes no apology to anyone for saying anything she believed or believes to be the truth. At least not until she sees concrete evidence to the contrary.
Now ... there is this tradition about a birthday spanking, followed by wine ... or is it wine, then spanking? Hey, you know what I mean ... Happy Birthday and please keep living your best life because you deserve it.
Andabelle thankfully D20 did not believe him. None of them did. I know b/c I specifically asked just for my own peace of mind. D14 was here when D20 told me what XH had said to her. Interestingly we just had a convo about her going on Sunday. She has already made up her mind that she will go as normal, tell him what she thinks of him as soon as she gets there and then come home again. I even tried to talk her out of it but she is adamant that this is what he deserves.
As for OW and S17 she was trying to vindicate herself but in actuality she just gushed more garbage and spew. She types her messages in the same way as she speaks. As she is from Czech Republic the kids take the mickey out of her by reading her texts in an eastern European accent. I know I shouldn’t laugh but I do.
BM It’s interesting that you mention whether what XH has said is slander. When I told my parents my mother was lost for words. Ten minutes later my father rang back demanding a telephone number for XH saying he wanted to give him a piece of his mind and to tell him he would take him to court. If you knew my father you would know that there is not a demanding bone in his body much less one that will sue in court. I managed to persuade him at the time that the best thing to do was ignore XH (whilst obviously dealing with the emotional fallout for D20) as a reaction is what he wanted. However, on reflection I do think that if nothing else I should write to my solicitor at least warning her what he is up to. It just irks me that this all costs money and he has made sure I’ve spent more than enough on his exploits in the last 4.5yrs. I think if he says it again I will definitely be suing for defamation of character.
Was2 Don’t you know that offering a woman who has only had one romantic encounter in nearly 5 years a glass of wine and a spanking is just a recipe for setting off all sorts of hormones and desires
As for your take on living with guilt I totally agree with you. My children all say that as far as they are concerned is that the best thing that can happen to their dad right now is for OW to leave him and let him know what it feels like to be in this position. I secretly wish it to but I try not to voice it if only b/c there is now another young life that would be destroyed and even though she is OW’s child she is an innocent and does not deserve that.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Yes she did Andabelle but then felt like she had let herself down b/c she lost her temper (and who wouldn't in the circumstances!)
D14 declined to go to her dad's this week. He wasn't very happy about that and tried to defend himself (unsuccessfully) when she explained she wasn't going in support of D20.
Today she called round there to collect something she had left behind and needed. Whilst there she asked if she could bring her hamster home to me. They refused to let her. She pointed out that they weren't feeding it or giving it any water and XH promised to 'do better' at remembering! OW said she couldn't bring it home as 'they' had spent £60 on the cage. It would seem that even when something is bought/given as a present the monetary value still determines real ownership D14 has now asked me to consider buying a cage so that she can just put the hamster in her pocket next time she is there and bring it home. She said she was going to do this without telling XH and then next time she does go to spend some time there accuse him of loosing it! Classic
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
They had a heated discussion for about 35 mins. XH was not in winning mode! He resorted to dirty tactics.....
D14 has now asked me to consider buying a cage so that she can just put the hamster in her pocket next time she is there and bring it home. She said she was going to do this without telling XH and then next time she does go to spend some time there accuse him of loosing it! Classic