Sorry but I still say you are inflicting some of the logistical stuff onto yourself. The court said you have to supervise his visits? I'm a L and have never heard of something as volatile as that. My sil has an ex h (who kidnapped the kids at one point, and took them overseas...) who has supervised visitation and another brother of mine "supervises" for $25, (which the idiot ex h has to pay).
Just my 2 cents. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Print out that last paragraph and read it every morning. Remember it when he decides its time to play happy family again.
And once you see him and know he isn't high, let a family member sit and babysit with him - go out, get as far away as you can from this guy....ugh.
However, I'd pursue the option of getting an officer of Family Court, Child Protective Services or some such agency to do some of the supervising - professionally - for you. You need the break. And, it's like you are supervising two children!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I will make a call tomorrow to my attorney to see what the court appointed supervisor would be like. Its an idea for sure.
I know exh is in his own hell. Self induced and just a big cycle of a mess. This week should be interesting since he won't be drinking quite as much as he does on the weekends. I find it strange that he is so angry for just a simple request of call me before you want to come by. Not a huge deal.
I have a busy week this week. Will depend on how baby is doing tomorrow morning. Both Monday and Tuesday I will need to put her in the childcare for these activities but she hasn't been well all weekend. Looking better tonight but still has a nasty cough. I am sure they don't want her coughing like that there. Its all good though. It will work out.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Ok, just got an email back from my attorney. I stated the latest events of the no drop in saga etc. I also asked if it would be better to get someone court appointed to supervise visits..
His response was basically asking me if exh is dangerous or threatening me in any way or more annoying? He said he sounded more annoying than anything. He said I have a really good deal right now and would advise against rocking the boat for mere annoyance. He also used the terms you are clearly winning this war...pick and choose your battles wisely. He said to maybe find other things to do while exh is here and avoid the text conversations other than baby. Best thing I can do is appear cooperative and reasonable. He said he would pursue this if it was what I really wanted but unless exh is threatening me in some way then put aside the drama and keep myself busy rather than engaging.
I do agree with him in a way. This would only stir up more hatred and venom. Not what I want. I DO have a good deal. Exh has nothing really so if he wants to stomp his feet, let him. When things are difficult he tends to stay away anyway.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
You do indeed have a delicate situation. And I agree with your L - pick your battles carefully.
The one thing I really like is that you have now developed a good dislike for your XH. And you are well aware of his vicious cycle.
What are the possibilities of you meeting a new guy in the future?
Thank you Kerry. Sometimes I get on such a roll with exh that my boundaries fly out the window.
Possibilities? LOL Pretty slim right now. I am just not around many men and if I am they are with thier wives etc. My social outlets are mommy girls nights out and doing other things with my mommy group. Can't say it wouldn't be nice to meet someone someday, but I just don't feel like I have the emotional capacity right now...not sure if that makes sense. There mere thought of the rollercoasters of a new relationship and what that entails is quite overwhelming. I wish I could find a 'friend' that would sort of be on-call. When I want to watch a movie I can call him. Dinner? Conversation? Whatever? Same thing. That would be nice, but a full time relationship is beyond me now.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
You only have a "good deal" if you don't let it dictate and ruin your life. From your posts, (which admittedly might be slanted for venting here, but hey, it's all I have to go on), your life is controlled by: his whims, his fb posts to or about others, his texts, some OW, his showing up to see baby late or on time, or his not showing up, the terrible communication, the way he looks at you, what he says or does to you, or to others, or about you, or what you think he might be saying or doing to others, or saying about you, the child support he somehow "has to" drop off in person, AND only whenever it suits him, his excessive drinking, his drinking and driving, his rude behavior, his odd behavior, and or his version of the "truth," or your m history...you get my point.
It's a bit ironic to see you describe it as a "good deal", in light of all this, & the tone of nearly all your posts. It frightens me that only a few months ago, your goal was a recon with this man.
I mean, maybe if you took charge of things in your life more, planned a future for yourself, truly GAL, didn't seem like a victim, then it could be an "alright deal". But I fail to see how it's a "good one". Is it b/c your attorney doesn't have to do anything, or what? Don't rock the boat, but the boat is damn rocky on its' own. I mean, what would be worse, realistically (not in your nightmare, but in reality). That he would get baby more often? Like I said, is that realistic? He barely sees her now. Is this approach, this situation, how things are, really working for you?
He doesn't pay the CS in full often, let alone on time. And for no apparent reason, he delivers it to you in person, even with his track record and with all this time passed. Honestly S2, do you thank him for it? So, and I mean this sincerely, what am I missing here? This guy was arrested for DUI so no one wants him driving baby around. Got it. What is it you fear would be worse if he were to feel "more hatred and venom"? Weird- rude behavior? Isnt' that more or less what you get now? And see the above reasons for how this isn't a "good deal". But again, maybe if your approach to it shifts dramatically and only you can do that, it'd be different. Maybe it'd be an "alright deal"....I am confused. good luck j
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Double ear infection! Ugh! Took baby to doctor yesterday after 4 days of being sick. This is infection #4, if she gets a few more he said we may want to have the 'ear tubes' talk.
I had exh pick up her prescription for me yesterday and bring it by. He said he was most likely moving into his grandparents guest house on their property. No rent so he can catch up on his bills, pay off fines (that I caused), etc. Also they are in their 90's so need someone there. He wouldn't have been my first choice, but oh well. I just wonder how living there is going to affect his playboy/partyguy lifestyle? Its about 15 minutes away and now there won't be a need for me to pass by his house anymore on my way places. That will be nice not to have to wonder who is there.
I have hardly left my house in a few days. My mom is going to watch baby this morning and I am going to my Bible Study again. I need a couple of hours away, this study, and some good coffee.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
hey, just wanting to say hi...I've been so busy... so haven't caught up here...just check fb once in a while.
anyways, can't believe your exh tried to act like you were busy on his visit time...he must be feeling guilty or something and trying to make himself look like he's the innocent one.
it will all bite him in the end.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Things are ok. I have been trying not to post so much here and see if it helps my PMA. Not that this place is bad, but I found myself hesitant on being honest for fear of being slammed. LOL I know that isn't true though.
Don't have much time as I have bible study this morning and baby is on my lap, but its been ok. Went out of town last weekend with exh to see his brother and SIL whom I really love. The only reason I agreed to go. She is having pregnancy issues and is unable to travel. Exh was supposed to be gone all weekend hunting with his brother and I was going to stay with SIL but something changed and he ended up there the whole weekend. Did it mess with my head? Yep...but I know enough now to not let it get to me.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
