One day at a time....

[pearlharbr]

Breathe. Have a glass of red wine (because then you can say it's healthy too).

You don't have to be decided yet. H still hasn't done anything to address your needs. I know you're being patient with him but it can't last forever. Your anger is pent up and will do damage to you if you keep it inside. Sooner or later you will have to address the issues that led to the A. That's when you'll have a better idea as to whether or not you want to stay.

[rockedworld]

I like that Cyrena... thank you for the suggestion!

[Lost Rabbit]

Just sticking my head in hun! Why is it the little bits which seem so hard to get your head round sometimes! If only we knew eh..

Ive just found out that I supposed have been wronged again by sis, Im like you I just dont get it, I just couldnt do what she has done in a million years its not in my heart or my nature.. H doesnt get it, just thinks Im being a drama queen about it, and I expect if you brought the subject up with your H he'd be the same, they seem to be able to compartmentalise things much better than us, its done its dusted forget it move on!

Im a great believer in what goes around comes around and one day her heart will be well and truly broken, oh dear do we care NO! in the mean time a punch bag seems the best option to me lol!

(RW)

[Kalni]

RW,
I am with you about the OW. I figured it bothers me I dont know what she is up to. I wish she is dating so she wont be messing with my H and that H finds out so that he can see their "true love" was nothing but excitement and lust... (wishful thinking).
Dont have anything to advise you, only ... let's just dont let them have anymore control over our lives than they already had.
K

[addie]

Hi Rocked,

A few months ago H and I started reading parts of Not Just Friends together - the chapters on Healing Together (ch.13) and Forgiveness and Moving Forward (ch. 14). I knew my H would never sit through the whole book so I focused on those two chapters. I read the chapters aloud (H preferred this) for about 20-30 min. each time and then we would discuss some of the issues in there. It was difficult but extremely beneficial. H commented that it was difficult for him to hear some of the stuff in the book but that it was all "very true".
Just a suggestion of how you may want to approach it with H..

[rockedworld]

Thanks for the ongoing suggestions and support

So, breaking news from Rocked's world.... H going on another business trip and leaves tomorrow night. It came up very suddenly.

The weird thing is I'm ok with it. Almost too ok. It actually worries me a bit... or maybe it's good? Is it possible to finally "get" detachment in piecing?

I don't know... just looking forward to a bit of a "break" from each other again and to not always be thinking about the M and him. This time I am definitely making time for GAL! Have already talked to two girlfriends and they are on board.

So, I'm cool with all that but what I noticed is that H seems a little put off by how cool I am with it. I don't think that's a bad thing though. I am not being cold or distant or anything.... supportive, attentive... just doing more of my own thing. He is not the centre of my world like he used to be. And that is not only good thing, but a needed thing. Any thoughts on that?

[gutwrenching]

HUGE step in the right direction. Think before there were issues, would you have cared about a short notice trip...nope. Would have just been something that had to be done and you would have been fine. Now you're getting back to that. I am envious and proud!

H is put off because he isn't the center of attention. Good. He needs to earn being your center of attention, not being the center because of his past actions (piss poor actions).

As usual, you are an inspiration for us all.

[Butterfly1]

Thoughts? YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY ROCKED~! You are doing the absolute best thing you can do right now. You are finding inner peace and detachment and I"m so proud of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rockedworld]

I am acting on the suggestion of a very good friend that it is time for me to change my DB name.

Yes, my world was rocked.

I went from a state of contentment and unshakable belief that I had a bulletproof M, to that world crumbling around me in pieces and months of shock, trauma, pain and heartbreak I never knew possible.

There were dark days I didn't think I would make it through.

Due to my beliefs and my children, I would have never ended my life. But I had days when I just asked God to please take me.

This community, and a few other key resources in my life, pulled me through.

My world was rocked. But I am taking back control of my own world.

I don't need to let anyone or anything bring me that low ever again.

I am in control.

I have found out through this that I am amazingly strong!

I found an inner strength and resolve deep within myself I didn't know was there.

I have struggled with my faith, and still do, but in the end have realized it is still my foundation, and the source of my strength.

I am in a process, but it is MY process, and I am in charge of it.

I don't know for sure yet if my M will survive. This is harder than I ever could have imagined.

But, what I do know, now... withoug a shadow of a doubt... is that I will bo OK no matter what. I will be more than OK.

I will thrive.
I will live the life that I have needed to live for a long time.
I am in charge of that.

I am willing to do the work I need to do for this M, but now know boundaries I didn't have before. And I will never let them be crossed again. Ever.

So.... I am now ruledworld... my world is being ruled... not in a controling way, but just from a place of strength... by the ME who is now strong and in control.

But, you can still call me Rocked if ya want... cuz I kinda like that.

[flowmom]

Love it! I'm trying to bully Stupid Romeo into changing his user name