how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

i don't want to be bitter at all, OTM. i had a long (tearful) phone conversation with the H this morning and good lord is that man angry. understandably. i'm happy to work with him to make some things easier in terms of the agreement, but for liability reasons, that motorcycle needs to be sold or he needs to take the title and loan on in his name.

he said things like he doesn't think i care about him anymore, and that i don't care what happens to him, and that if i wanted money for our debts in one lump sum, i'd just have to take him to court. he's so angry. he's so far gone. i'm so sad. i did NOT want to hurt him or make things between us tense and ugly. but i do have to look out for myself.

my heart breaks more every single day. even though - he is still reaching and trying to make me feel guilt. saying things were all his fault, or that he has had such a hard couple of months, or that over the last 5 years, nothing he's ever done has been good enough and it's still not.

i didn't say anything nasty in return. just said i was sorry he felt that way and that it broke me apart to even ask him these things for the sake of the agreement, but that this was what my lawyer advised me to do and i had to do what was best for me.

i'm ready for all of this to be over.