Reconstructing Bart

[ClingingToHope]

Have you asked your L about options with the OM? Especially, considering the order of protection, I would think there's something you could do.

[C-Bart]

I've got a call into my L. Found out the order is a result of assault and battery. Turns out OM got into a fight with his W's OM. When did my STBXW become such a hoosier.

[C-Bart]

Ok Folks. I need a sanity check. STBXW called to manipulate the schedule again. She wants me to take Kids this weekend while she works - I'm ok with that. In return she gets next weekend. Additionally, she wants me to take kids the following weekend cause she will be out of town presumably with OM.

I'm really tired of this schedule stuff. Am I being an AH if I say that I have plans with the kids next weekend and the following weekend I'm not available?

This may be a very basic question but I can't help but feel like I'm being used as a babysitter. She like to throw up the fact that she helps me when I go out of town. True she does but I don't need her to do that. I just give her the option. Now she is threatening me with changing the parenting plan so she has the Kids every weekend except when she works.

I am so sick of this crap.

[MrBond]

Put your foot down. Why is she driving the crazy train?

Tell her you are glad to do it on the weekends that are convenient for YOU. On the weekend she's out with the OM, tell her you have plans. If she demands to know what they are, just be mysterious about it.

Don't give in to everything she wants. Now is the time to stand firm. Have you thought of busting the A?

[C-Bart]

Well that was ugly. Just got read the riot act from STBXW. Says I told S9 that if she was with OM that he wouldn't be able to see her. Says they all want to go back to old school, etc. etc. She totally lost it. Finally says she is going to have he L go after me in court and she is taking full custody of the kids. Says I need to just except it (not sure what it is).

I'm fighting ever fiber of my being that is trying to call her back and defend myself. I'm calling someone else.

[Mila]

C-Bart I'm sorry that you have to go trough this. Excellent will power for not calling her to defend yourself...I know how hard that must have been.

[C-Bart]

Yep. I white knuckled it for a while then decided to go to bed. Funny how your mind starts playing tricks on you to get you to call. Little voice in my head say call and make sure she is alright. We all know how that would have turned out:-).

Even though the anger and vitriol was targeted at me, Its good to finally see her show some emotion.

[Mila]

C-Bart

Funny how your mind starts playing tricks on you to get you to call

OH yes I KNOW...and you didn't call because you recognized that you were trying to justify calling her. That's progress

[ClingingToHope]

One of the things I learned and really wished I'd learned earlier is to not get defensive. If you'd called back to defend yourself it would have just exploded to another level.

Now, typical people would call back and apologize, unfortunately, WASs aren't typical.

My internal rule is that if STBXW needs me to take the kids so she can catch up at work then I say yes. I've always done all I could so she could excel at her job and hey it's bonus time with the girls.

But if I sense she is just trying to get me as a free babysitter so she can go partying then I say no. I learned this after July 4 and Christmas where it seemed she was offering me time with the girls in good faith because it was a holiday. In truth, she wanted to run off drinking with her best friend at these little townie bars 30 minutes from here.

So on two other three-day weekend occasions she offered me a chance to have them and I turned it down. One time I was right because she ended up dumping them on her mom for the night. The other time she stayed home with them.

I felt a little guilty, but I'm not sure how much fun we would have had with me focusing on what she's doing.

This could come back to bite me since she switched weekends with me once this year so I could work and I'm asking her to switch again in May so I can work back-to-back weekends.

She hasn't responded to the May request. I don't need any other changes this year.

[C-Bart]

So now I've got the OM trying to call and talk to me about things. Not sure what good could come out of this.

Guess miss thing doesn't like being ignored.