The journey begins

[ImprovedRomeo]

CTH, you're not alone in that feeling. Most LBS feel that way. For the WAS to rush out like we're an axe murderer and would rather deal with the consequences than being with us.

You're looking at things from your perspective and comparing them to how much better you all were together. She's not willing to see that, she's compartmentalize everything. It's sad and it hurts but read FA's post in this section...there's a light at the end of the tunnel for all of us.

If you can't get broadband and the 3G card is free and has decent speed you can do 'Internet Connection Sharing' in windows where the laptop becomes the router and the Wii and anything else can use it to get out to the 'net. Start->Control Panel->Network Setup Wizard.

[ClingingToHope]

No dice, SR, it says I must have a computer administrator account. Good thought though.

[Gardener]

CTH,

None of this should be my concern.

Bingo.

I should only be concerned about where the girls live.

And they'll be fine without a pool.

But ... well, hell, I hate to say that I want her to suffer a bit.

Ah, heck: go ahead and say it. You'll feel better.

Just stepping into some nice house while I bounced from a friend's place to a townhouse would sting.

I hear ya. As if our sitches weren't already like the aftermath of stepping in a hornet's nest!

[Gardener]

SR,

CTH, you're not alone in that feeling. Most LBS feel that way. For the WAS to rush out like we're an axe murderer and would rather deal with the consequences than being with us.

That's great. Sad. True. But great!

[ImprovedRomeo]

CTH, just ask your IT guys to give you admin rights on your laptop. Most will but some places are strict.

[DaddyLongShanks]

StupidRomeo,

Do you think you are going to be able to recover yours, or you think you where "used" for your wife to bridge to what ever the hell she is doing right now?

[ClingingToHope]

Journaling.

First weekend of living on a strict budget and, like everything else over the last 11 months, it produced mixed emotions.

First off, I can do this. Instead of just rounding the girls up every meal time and toss them in the car to get something quick to eat, I had to search the cupboard for something different to eat.

For the most part, they were fine. It was a downer at church when they asked if we were eating at our typical restaurant and I gave them a choice. We had money left to do something fun or we could use it to eat at the restaurant.

They both chose to do something fun.

But the weekend gave me flashbacks to my childhood. I went from a two-parent home where we lived in a nice house, with a nice car and no worries --- at least the kids weren't told about the worries -- over money to living with my grandmother and listening to my mom complain all the time about money.

I still had a good childhood. My grandmother's house was big. She had a pool and it was in a good neighborhood. I was lucky.

My dad never owned a house again. He got an apartment then he lived with a lady for a while. I never had the sense that he was thriving.

It sucks to see people you love struggle and that's what the girls are seeing now.

I can't control what they see. I can control what they hear. This is life now and I have to get used to it and I have to help them get used to it. There are no miracles left. The D train isn't going to miraculously stop. DB isn't a wonder drug.

I will have to adjust my budget. I'll have to shift money away from my entertainment and recreation towards gas and groceries. I have to have food to make for them. They can't stare at an empty refrigerator.

And I will have to stop dragging my feet on the divorce. No matter what, I'm going to get some money from STBXW. The faster I do, the faster I can come up with a plan to rid myself of some of this debt and then increase the bi-weekly budget.

If I'm going to thrive and be the one who put money away for braces, for summer camps, I have to live this way and the only way to live better is to not have myself buried in debt.

End of night I sent STBXW an email with several things. I can't freeze her out anymore on my weekends. NC didn't work for me -- in terms of busting the divorce -- nothing would have. When I moved out last May the M was already over. I see that now. I sent the email to increase the sense of cooperation so the D goes smoothly.

[iwantittowork]

It sucks to see people you love struggle and that's what the girls are seeing now.

CTH, don't let them see you struggle, by accepting where you are, and being the strong dad they need to see that money, entertainment, houses, pools, are NOT what make CTH the man he is. Those things outside of you don't get to define who CTH is, and that is what is important to them.

I have to have food to make for them. They can't stare at an empty refrigerator.

Yes, and there is nothing wrong with that. I have been having a blast making food with and for d9, and why not? Who says you have to 'go out' for food to get entertainment.

Get creative, d9 and I do make your own pizza nights, and I have been making teryaki chicken and all sorts of stuff. I take d9 with me shopping and send her on pickup missions around the store.

There is more time baked into (no pun intended ) my R with d9 now doing these things than I could ever get just hitting a fast food place, and I can tell in how she is responding while at my home.

You can do this, and handle it, and just a small change in how you focus on these things will affect how you feel about them, which then is what your kids will pickup on and remember..

[awest1217]

Making dinner and getting the girls involved is awesome. Sometimes as adults we forget, but kids love to be given responsibility and they love to help in the kitchen. Also it is a great way to work on math skills without doing math. sorry teacher in me. Have fun because staying at home can be just as fun as going out. Make a fort in the living room and "camp out". Think as a kid!

[whatisis]

Clinging, in my experience kids will always look at a budget as meaning "we are poor". Explaining the process to them and allowing them to make choices, as you did, is a great life skill lesson. Learning about the reality of money and choice could be one of the best gifts you ever give them!