But these guys remind him of when he was seventeen... and they sound like they still ACT seventeen... It very likley does make him feel younger. I think for the most part though he picked them up for need. There is a need during an affair to be socially validated. If no one supports your affair you have to go GET some people who will. And he met these guys at the same place he met OW right? So, it all fits there ...
I don't cater much to the MLC analysis because I have yet to see any constructive strategy or basic tactics coming from it...
People will say "oh ya, he's having a MLC" and then they have nothing else to say... its a useless analysis. It may be accurate, but I have yet to see a MLC analysis that leads to a point of helping anyone.
The fact is your H is in self-destruct mode. He's dealing with a lot of emotions - maybe withdrawal, maybe marital conflicts, maybe MLC, it matters little... He isn't in a healthy place and you need to protect the home and his kids from that.
You left him "in control" for one day and look at the mess he's made already?
Imagine what would happen if you left him "in control" for a month or more?
This is common in addiction. They get so fixated on their opiate of choice they trash everything else around them. I can't tell if he's avoiding OW or not, but he is trying to bond with a group who will support her. If he did leave I suspect he will slowly drop his old friend who wouldn't support his affair and will bring these fellas more into his life. The best thing you can do right now is let him do his own laundry, cook his own meals, and to lose his own job. The more reality he has to deal with the greater chance he has of waking up.
Yes, you two share a home, I know. And there are children involved and its not healthy to watch him ruin their lives too. I dunno, they are old enough to make their own choices. You could just take his kids out for fun things and leave H to handle all of that. If his children turn to you for help later you could tell them bailing your H out of his responsabilities isn't helping him. I don't know if they will understand that or not. At least these kids are old enough that its a bit more manageable than for adolescents. And since you aren't sharing a bed right now you can manage things well there too.
I think he needs to be picked up by the police for DUI and to get reprimanded at work a few times before this really comes to a head. This may be withdrawal, it may not be. It isn't the most common reaction, but people often drink to numb pain. I don't drink at all but my mother was an alcoholic and I've seen her escape into a bottle to deal with life more times than I can count. Drinking isn't going to help his marriage. He may have just swapped addictions?
