Thank you for spending so much effort on me last night responding to my post. You go out of your way and it means so much to me. I've gotten stronger along the way, and I want you to know that your efforts are not wasted on me! You're one of the great ones in this world- I'm glad to have you as a friend.
Thank you for spending so much effort on me last night responding to my post. You go out of your way and it means so much to me. I've gotten stronger along the way, and I want you to know that your efforts are not wasted on me! You're one of the great ones in this world- I'm glad to have you as a friend.
I hope your week is off to a good start!
Hugs, Bunny
Why, thank you, Bunny. That means a lot. You're one of the great ones, too and your sitch just tears me (and a lot of other folks) up . It has been a privilege to witness your inspiring growth and strength in face of a hellish experience. Keep going.
And, yeah, I had a great day. 1st meeting with new IC. A real good one!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Another night of insomnia. Such nights are, thankfully, increasingly infrequent,
But, boy, the exhaustion can wreak havoc on the thought processes. There's some British BBC movie on in the background. In it there was a rather intense lovemaking scene. Despite a good first new IC session tonight, the scene spontaneously evokes four words in my mind: "I miss my wife."
But of course I miss her: after all, she no longer exists. She disappeared a year and a half ago and became someone else entirely.
Tonight, my new IC, who treated my SIL years ago and knows X's FOO, posited the phenomenon that the sudden death of horribly abusive parents (her estranged father five months pre-WAW Bomb) is known to not only expose long-buried pain, but to also bring out an overwhelming sense of relief and release: total, newfound freedom perhaps for the first time ever in life. Usually followed - months or years later - by deep guilt over those feelings and over the drastic responses and reactions they precipitated. More importantly, it is much more of a permanent person-change then a personality change.
Of course, she said it all far better and more succinctly than I just did, She's a real plain-talker, this new IC.
And while i always felt this had something to do with it, what does it change? Nothing, Except, perhaps, to keep alive that last small sense of compassion.
Oh. well.
"What's done cannot be undone - To bed, to bed, to bed." Lady MacBeth
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Glad you have new IC to work on things, and hope you can focus on working on yourself over the coming sessions.
Boy, I hope you can get some sleep! I just read somewhere going 24 hours with no sleep does to your mind what 3 shots of booze will. Muddled thinking, no doubt!
At times like this, I took to Advil PM's, just enough to settle me down to fall asleep. I'd look to some help for that, it's important to really get a good nights sleep!
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Hey G---have been gone for a bit moving into a new place (in real life) Catching up on your deal and as always you seem to be your best therapist! Keep talking things out on here and we will attempt to help when possible!
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
I feel for you Gardener. I've had a lot of insomnia too. It's good to understand the past, but I look forward to hearing the progress that you make with your IC on working on YOU
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
iwitw,Thanks. Some melatonin, chamomile tea and I was (finally) good to go. Got about 4 1/2 hrs. Good enough to get through the day without dragging.
I'm very impressed w/new IC. Even think the first meeting contributed to the insomnia: she really got me thinking - and questioning - last night.
have you tried valerian? it's an herb, works on the same receptors as Valium and that group of drugs, but has none of the side effects. gotta take the pill form, tho, and not the tea--it smells like dirty socks. but it works very very well, and is so safe that it's recommended during pregnancy.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
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