You CAN be the WAW--in your head. It is more in your mind anyway. Even last time I shook him up a bit by "planning" a few things without him knowing anything about it.
Making "plans" is "moving on" to them. When this happened last time, I got some travel brochures and left them around for him to see. Now I was frantically DBing, but STILL, you MUST make them think you will be moving on. Even last time, there came a point I got so tired of him putting me down every chance he got, I WAS going to be moving on.
He saw the brochures I'm sure. Never said anything, but it was "there"--I'd always wanted to take a cruise (they are not too bad expense wise here in Florida) and he refuses.
Sit down one day and write a "list" of all the things you would do if he was gone. Don't worry about money, time, nothing--this is your "bucket list". The things you would want to do with or without him. My "bucket list" includes doing missionary work, hiking, getting my nursing degree, going on a cruise (still haven't done it). These are things that I swirl around in my head I tell you what, it gives you a lot of "power" over the sitch when you have other things you can do and get excited about.
The communication rules are actually difficult for both of us. But I have started just to "do it" (so hard not to "react" to his accusations and snide comments--but it's in the "rules" that if they don't follow the guidelines, YOU leave.) Per the counselor, they are in several places in the house and I tell you, I have to read them over and over--I'm no expert, so how do I expect him to be one? And like everything else, I have to "set the example" for him because he certainly can't.
Notice I say he "can't", not "won't". I don't think he can--he is not capable and is looking in a way for me to guide him.
Which is fine. I am stronger and you know what? Good for me! And it makes me more attractive! Anything wrong with that??lol.
Strong, secure, patient, kind, no-nonsense. Like the one gal says--you are a kind but firm nurse (ha! good training for me anyway!!)
If you want, I'll post the rules that I got. I typed them up and they are in my kitchen, bathroom, and my personal journal. Put them on your fridge--he'll notice in a heartbeat.
My next "step" is to start saying over and over, I want a man that can follow simple communication rules. I hope this will be you (one of his BIGGEST complaints is that **I** was a horrible communicator. It was one of his "lies" that has now been blown WIDE open. We both don't do it well, but **I** am getting better and better)
