I was about to jump on you for having your H put through the ringer in that others are fielding arguments against him. In recently been having put through a "grinder" for whatever differences of opinion I have, I have an intimate knowledge of how unfair it is.
I read your original thread where H wanted to convince you to be part of the swingers lifestyle. Obviously you did not see fit and it was a sticking point in the relationship. I agree with you.
I have the same belief, if you get the formula good at home ( in the bed, emotional connect ) - putting others in there will contamininate and weaken it. Along with various venereal diseases, AIDS, etc and do you really want that many people up into your personal business ( wifes vagina? ).
I'm not sure if you should hate him, its wasteful and you drink poison for something he's doing.
You can forgive the guy for his shortsightedness, and not understanding how a extreme lifestyle is costing him a marriage to someone who loved him.
Your doing right, and you have lots of support here.
Continue forward with divorce proceedings and get it done.
Damn! After I spend an hour dissecting this and going on and on ad nauseam, SDFoundGirl ABSOLUTELY NAILS it succinctly.Bravo
SD put in print what i was thinking as I read it! He is pissed that you don't completely agree to what he has proposed. He is the typical manipulative WAS.....how dare you not agree to his proposal, there must be something wrong with you. My X had similair reactions (he was also a controlling SOB, but not quite as evil as Bunny's). In the end, he backed down on going to court, and HIS lawyer chased my lawyer and I out of the settlement conference assuring us that X would sign the agreement right then, because they knew they didn't have a leg to stand on in court. My X did all the mental manipulation "it's between us, don't let others influence you WE (meaning HE) know what's best for us" crap that yours is doing Bunny. I listened to my lawyer and stood firm in asking for what I was slegally entitled to, nothing more, nothing less. Be strong and don't respond!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Thank you everyone, your encouragement means a lot.
I will refer to SD's letter as a motivational tool, it's a lot better than anything I could have put together. DLS- I was a little confused about why you said you were initially upset with me, I don't understand what you meant by putting my stbx through the wringer. That certainly wasn't my intent. I feel like I'm being out through one though; the longer this goes on, the more it hurts financially because I'm not getting any temporary spousal or child support from him. I only brought in 25% of our gross income but I have close to half the bills, and my savings are getting depleted.
I know I need to just expect temper tantrums from stbx from now on, that's two that he's put in writing now! I didn't see anything in his email that moves our discussion forward, and it felt like just another sucker punch. I had no idea what to do with it- I couldn't argue back with him in person, and I still have trouble even in writing.
I spoke to my atty today, and composed the following little response which hopefully gets us back on track:
STBX-
I have read your response to my counter-proposal, and want to express my concurrence in us both being reasonable. I just wanted you to know that I based my counter on what I could reasonably expect from a judge reviewing our case and sweetened it somewhat for you, numbers were not simply pulled out of the air. Your reply to my counter, however, did not identify those areas which you felt were unreasonable. Therefore, please indicate those items with which you disagree and submit a counter to my counter so we can move forward.
Very business-like.....very good. Keep it at that level and you'll do well. You are correct, there was nothing productive in his e-mail, it was an attempt at emotional manipulation. You're doing great!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I'm not getting any temporary spousal or child support from him
Can't L get a Temp Court Order for H to contribute something in the interim? This
Originally Posted By: SpyBunny
[i]STBX- I have read your response to my counter-proposal, and want to express my concurrence in us both being reasonable. I just wanted you to know that I based my counter on what I could reasonably expect from a judge reviewing our case and sweetened it somewhat for you, numbers were not simply pulled out of the air. Your reply to my counter, however, did not identify those areas which you felt were unreasonable. Therefore, please indicate those items with which you disagree and submit a counter to my counter so we can move forward.
is very good. I still think L to L would be a better way to go, imo.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Yeah, I got a letter just like that from my soon-to-be-ex. Often it is a projection of what they themselves are thinking or doing (try switching all the "you"s to "I"s in his communications, sometimes it really gives you a window into their minds).
You handled it beautifully. Reassure him that you want to be reasonable, point out that this is just what the law allows. The law is there for a reason.
And be sure to speak with your attorney, make sure what you're asking for is reasonable and fair. If it is, his attorney should tell him so.
Thank you everyone, your encouragement means a lot.
I will refer to SD's letter as a motivational tool, it's a lot better than anything I could have put together. DLS- I was a little confused about why you said you were initially upset with me, I don't understand what you meant by putting my stbx through the wringer. That certainly wasn't my intent. I feel like I'm being out through one though; the longer this goes on, the more it hurts financially because I'm not getting any temporary spousal or child support from him. I only brought in 25% of our gross income but I have close to half the bills, and my savings are getting depleted.
I know I need to just expect temper tantrums from stbx from now on, that's two that he's put in writing now! I didn't see anything in his email that moves our discussion forward, and it felt like just another sucker punch. I had no idea what to do with it- I couldn't argue back with him in person, and I still have trouble even in writing.
I spoke to my atty today, and composed the following little response which hopefully gets us back on track:
STBX-
I have read your response to my counter-proposal, and want to express my concurrence in us both being reasonable. I just wanted you to know that I based my counter on what I could reasonably expect from a judge reviewing our case and sweetened it somewhat for you, numbers were not simply pulled out of the air. Your reply to my counter, however, did not identify those areas which you felt were unreasonable. Therefore, please indicate those items with which you disagree and submit a counter to my counter so we can move forward.
Thanks, Bunny
Bunny,
I did not read your situation and jumped on the thread. After reading your situation and realizing how much time you spent, I think everything your doing is right on time.
Mr. Langshanks.... I have noticed that this isn't the first time that you have jumped into a long term poster's thread without reading enough to know what's going on. Giving advice is great, but if you are not going to read enough to know what's up, it would make sense to stick more to new posters, and go and grow with them. (I'm not saying you should read all of the posts of a long timer, unless you are really interested.)
The other thing I've noticed is that you've given a lot of advice, and tried to sound pretty authoritative, and I have seen very little about your own situation. I think it helps everyone to know a bit about the people that are posting to them. Why not start a thread, and let us know what's up with you?
I hope this doesn't come off as overly critical. The point is that a lot of people here are on a knifes edge, and we should all be very careful about how we give advice, and what advice we give.
