H is now angry at me. he doesnt like that i said we can not be friends... he said it is all or nothing with me... umm, is that a bad thing? to want my H back? So he could leave me and not want me as a wife, and I should get over it? But me saying we cant be friends hurts his feelings?
Guess H thought i could push all of my feelings aside and just let him in my life completely as my best friend. If i knew for one second that it was a risk i was taking in knowing he could possibly have a feeling for me... then i would risk the pain...
Spoke with BIL today, he and H were best friends for the past 7 years... BIL is completely heartbroken over this... but asked him his opinion and he said I should not have any C with H as he truly may just want a friendship out of all of this. H and I were best friends. I told him what happened over the past few weeks, and said why do you think H is doing all of these things and he bluntly said... you should not want H to tip-toe his way back and you question why he is doing this or that... H should run back if he ever has a feeling he wants to work on things. My family thinks H has suffered some sort of depression and fear of father hood and growing up! Poor mom has been pushing me to do things for myself... she hates to see me so sad and not myself.
I really do need to start taking some more time for me. I am really enjoying the kicks and baby movemens... although sometimes he lays in a position and then i feel the ligaments! hahaha... but i even enjoy the pains... spent the day with my nephew today, he is one! Wow does he make my heart smile...
