Dedicated - I'm so sorry you find yourself here. You sitch does sound a lot similar to mine, and I'm sorry.
You are doing really good with the NC, keep that up. I failed at that for 4 months, but I'm getting better at it. I always wondered if my H would take that as me not caring too. I think you need to find that "detach with love" or "loving distance". Which is very hard to do. I just make sure I'm nice to him, but in a doormat way. I hate it, but if anything it has made our convo's a lot more pleasant.
One of my biggest problems with DB'ing is patience. I have the hardest time with that.
You should check out the website midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com. I love it and spent 2 days reading all of it.
Also, I would advice you stick to the newcommers forum. You'll get a lot more responses there. If you H ends up having an A, you can post in the infedility one where mine is now. Those 2 get the most action. Please feel free to highjack my forum anytime you need help.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
