This may be long; I'm really journaling for myself today.
W had asked me to leave the house around 8-9am this morning (saturday) so that she could avoid seeing me while she brought a U-haul in to move out her share of furniture and the rest of her stuff. She has friends from work helping.
I had a late gig last night, stayed out afterwards some friends, and came home around 2am. I was preparing myself to have get up in just a few more hours. When I got home, I found a note "all done" and saw that she had already completed the move.
Somehow, this little surprise hurt me. It doesn't really make any difference. Still, she simply can't wait to get away from me and wants to avoid seeing me at all costs. Yes, I want her out of the house too, but I guess I was expecting some kind of closure or interaction.
She didn't take much, but still managed to leave just enough to make deepen my wounds. Somethings big, some small. I don't know why I allow her that space in my heart still. She took ALL the photo albums (around 50), except for our wedding album. They were all in a closet. In the closet she left our wedding album, her wedding dress, and some other small items from our wedding. The album was already in the closet, but she had to place the other items. Seems deliberate, but maybe she thought she was consolidating them for me, or even more likely she simply didn't think about me at all. We agreed she would take 4 matching chairs to go with the kitchen table. She took 5, leaving the dining room table missing a chair. Again, seems like she did it on purpose. There more, but I'm sure it's all typical.
Overall, the entire house is in disarray, and I've been spending the day cleaning and trying to put it in some order. The solitude of it is shocking. She left the two cats, and one of the dogs. When I returned last night, the dog looked so forlorn, and abandoned. I thought "it's just you and me now!" Of course, my kids will be back soon, as we start alternating weeks.
We don't have a specific D agreement yet, and W has already started with some custody arguments. She wants to take the kids to her hometown again for the week of July 4th. Since she just had spring break, it really should be my turn. It's my only week of vacation during the summer. She is planning on staying there for the entire month of July and wants S14! to stay there as long as possible. There is no way I'm consenting to it, and I'm going to have to make it clear that she can't blame that on me.
Clearly, even in divorce, I'll continue to have the same issues, just with more free time and more bills. I need to be more positive than that last statement!
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
((((Awoken)))) My heart feels for you. I guess it's really going to sink in now. Is this coming week her week with the kids? Does this mean you won't see them all week or will you still see them on a daily basis?
Originally Posted By: Awoken
She took ALL the photo albums (around 50), except for our wedding album. They were all in a closet. In the closet she left our wedding album, her wedding dress, and some other small items from our wedding. The album was already in the closet, but she had to place the other items.
^ THIS broke my heart for you. It seems like cruel and unusual punishment to me. To leave NO family pictures and to 'discard' the wedding stuff seems so hurtful. I mean, it's HER wedding dress for pete's sake!!
Originally Posted By: Awoken
We don't have a specific D agreement yet, and W has already started with some custody arguments. She wants to take the kids to her hometown again for the week of July 4th. Since she just had spring break, it really should be my turn. It's my only week of vacation during the summer. She is planning on staying there for the entire month of July and wants S14! to stay there as long as possible. There is no way I'm consenting to it, and I'm going to have to make it clear that she can't blame that on me.
Looks like you're gonna have to be tough here. DO NOT ALLOW her to take YOUR time with the kids!!!! I don't see how see can fulfill her parenting duties and be out of town for an entire month.
Be strong. Sounds like some tough times ahead...you know where to find me. <3 ((((HUGS)))
Awoken, That's just awful. But with no D agreement there would have been no agreed-upon division of property, so can't you contact your L re: her helping herself to "extra" items, including all the photographs? I'd donate the wedding dress and other wedding items placed in the closet on purpose.
Start getting rid of whatever she didn't take that you do not want or that reminds you of her. Make the place your own. Put your stamp on it. Do what you damn well please with it!
This will make a big difference to your overall state of mind as well as emphasize when she comes over for the kids or whatever that she's out!
And, yes, you need to be more positive than that last statement. You don't know the future and you "know" none of those things for sure.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Awoken, when H moved out it seemed like there were holes everywhere in my home. Holes where stuff used to be, and a big hole where he used to be. Please don't leave the wedding stuff there. Find a way to release that stuff and get it out of your home ASAP. (((hugs)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Thanks again everyone. It's good to check in here and see your words of support.
I have a unusually busy 10 days ahead of me. I took on some extra work to help pay my growing bills. I just didn't expect all this to happen right now. Even with me telling her I wanted her out of the house, I expected it would take a couple of weeks before she did anything. I'm making plans to box up everything that she has left, and put it in the basement storage room for her to get. If she doesn't want it, I'll donate it all.
Footnote: I went to Target this afternoon to replace some household items. I turned an aisle, and literally ran into W with D17 and S14!. We were both speechless at first. It took me a few stunned seconds to register the situation. At first, I felt like we were all there shopping together, like normal. Then time shifted back to the present, and I remembered that we are not together anymore. She looked shocked, and I laughed a little bit. I don't quite know why. I shrugged with both my hands out wide, to express that I just didn't know what to do with the situation. I said "hello", and D17 and S14 gave me a quick hug. I felt bad for them because I could tell they were a little uncomfortable in front of their mom. W said "That's a nice new shirt". I said "thanks". Then told the kids I would see them later, turned around and left.
She was very tense; I think I was pretty calm other than being surprised by it. I'm in an odd place; at least odd to me. I'm deeply sad, but somehow I'm not missing HER right now. If anything, I'm very tired.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
I'd donate the wedding dress and other wedding items placed in the closet on purpose.
I don't care about the dress or other stuff, but I'm torn about the wedding album. I would've wanted to keep it, but knowing that she left it some kind of emotional dagger bothers me. When I found it, I looked through all the pages. Right now, it's serving more as a reminder of her anger than of its actual contents.
I'm having a hardtime looking at it witha PMA; of course overtime it may change. Maybe I'll ask someone to keep it for me for a while.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Awoken, when H moved out it seemed like there were holes everywhere in my home.
I've got both holes, and lots of junk she left for me to clean up. Junk left over from all the various hobbies she's started and abandoned over time. This is part of who she is, and I don't hold that against her. Still, seeing all her debris left her at the house just reminds me of so much difficulty. Again, I will be cleaning up her mess.
I know this is a toxic, negative rant I'm on tonite. I'm calm, sad, angry, and not quite sure how I'm doing. Tomorrow, I'm back to work, back to GAL, back to working on my PMA.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
