Your hell really was that bad? Was it premeditated and you took pleasure in it? Did you really not consider her feelings and the affect you have on her in your interaction with her?
It sounds like over all you where a good guy, but you may have been a [censored] over a period of time. It sounds like you did appreciate spending time with her and sharing. It sounded like you did alot of things for her that many men will never do. So a few communication glitches...
Its going to be for you to decide. Just remember, there are some of the guys here who have been in hell's created by their spouse for 1,5 even 10 years and it gets worse in that they are fueling their spouse out of control ego by staying in it.
Hopefully your wife backs off and starts to close the gap between you too. Thats the goal, the gap must be closed for their to be a marriage. You guys strengthen on an individual basis only, then your pretty much two single people living under the same roof - not even ones romantically connected.
I don't know many people who married to not be romantically connected.
