IMO your H got so angry when you exposed because you interrupted his plan of doing what he was doing. NOTHING he has done recently has made me think he is sorry, repentant, or gives a damn.
If you are too scared at the moment to risk your H walking then don't push too hard - if you can handle him leaving then do what you need to - but base it on good solid information. It would be awful to help him exit and then find out it was done on half baked suppositions.
I am with Jac in that I think you need time to reflect.
What's important to you - breaking up the A and still having a chance of working at your M, or just breaking up the A. Because I can see just the second happening if you 'go ghandi' again. It didn't scratch the surface last time.
When I told my H he had to stop his A or that was it, he knew I meant it. He could 'smell' it on me. He knew I would also go for blood. It was instinctive and gutteral and totally done without thought. Your H can 'smell' your indecision and he knows he has you second guessing him. He also has this control issue which the 'ghandi' route just reinforces his feelings about you IMO.
Now exposure hasn't been as effective as it could have been, I honestly think the best thing you can do is what I have outlined before. You couldn't even stand a weekend of NC with your H after the way he has treated you about Retro. No way are you willing to put out ultimatums and stand by them at the moment. The day you are ready you will know if that is the right course for you.
I am signing off for the night - hope you get some sleep
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
