I believe serenity13 is saying that she's in a mind state where she will take advantage of you and your kindness. This is where she chooses to be mentally, and it is convenient for her.
I'm not piling ontop of you, because I know what you have been doing. Your wife is not in a married wife mindset. Your one of the boyfriends who helps out, and once in a while you get a few crumbs. Everytime you attempt to cross the boundary into your old husband space you get the violence or the malicious treatment, or you may get it because she was PLANNING on trying that on you that certain day. Its a real bad thing...
Make yourself conducive for a good situation outside of her. If she comes back on board fine. Trying to help her strengthens her in this bad way she's been doing.
You got alot of good information her, and remember you did not turn your back on her. You helped her for a very long time and you kept getting bit...
