Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

[DaddyLongShanks]

james217,

I believe serenity13 is saying that she's in a mind state where she will take advantage of you and your kindness. This is where she chooses to be mentally, and it is convenient for her.

I'm not piling ontop of you, because I know what you have been doing. Your wife is not in a married wife mindset. Your one of the boyfriends who helps out, and once in a while you get a few crumbs. Everytime you attempt to cross the boundary into your old husband space you get the violence or the malicious treatment, or you may get it because she was PLANNING on trying that on you that certain day. Its a real bad thing...

Make yourself conducive for a good situation outside of her. If she comes back on board fine. Trying to help her strengthens her in this bad way she's been doing.

You got alot of good information her, and remember you did not turn your back on her. You helped her for a very long time and you kept getting bit...

[james217]

Just so I am clear it is okay for PDT and Rob to be brutally honest but not me? When a man does it, it's okay but when a woman is strong and direct they lack compassion.

Is that about right? You are really digging yourself a hole here.

I have long thought there was a double standard with the men and women here. Strong and direct woman = bitch. Strong and direct man equals one cool dude.

Nope I did not say that. My mother is very blunt. My sister is blunt too. I pretty much come from a highly educated family with blunt to the point women who have degrees and speak their minds. I read on other threads how you were not as blunt as with me. I don't think you're a "b" at all. not in the slightest.

but I do feel like you have been more blunt with me than even rob or PDT have been. or anyone else. That's why I asked. If it would have been DLS I would have asked. If it would have been someone else I would have asked too.

[james217]

James~

Rob and PDT give flack but they give flack to almost everyone.

That is what you said - It isn't flack if they are here trying to help others...It is wisdom from walking before us...It is kindess from what they have learned...It is compassion from knowing how we feel - Never is it "flack."

I don't enjoy any drama.

If you were a female, I would call you a drama queen.

I've had s3 most of his life. It hurts really really bad. I pretty much cry every night but to avoid that "drama" I just don't get to see him until I can fix a few things and file contempt

Had you read my sitch you would know I don't have my oldest son right now either...Some days I want to cry as well however the difference is I know it isn't going to make my situation any better...

ME making MYSELF a better person is going to make MY life and MY situation better regardless of what happens within the circle of my marriage.

and I'm supposed to remember everything about everyone's situation? You dont remember everything in my entire thread either. Do you know what i've been through? Do you really?

I don't go out of my way to hurt anyone bring drama to anyone or any of taht. I don't enjoy it at all. so give me 20 mins to smoke a cigarette and use my 80 wpm typing skills to tpe out the story. Then you'll see where i'm coming from.


Flack bluntnes direct approach. I've seen rob and PDT do it consistently so I knew to expect it whether they were man or woman.


They don't do it to hurt people either. I know they don't.

[DaddyLongShanks]

Sometimes if we are too blunt we will not be effective, because the listener will become defensive. Its usually the same way if the shoe was on the other foot. In many cases it makes more sense to consider the audience and determine how and when you or even if you should be the one to get a particular message across.

[Serenity13]

I would never go out of my way to hurt anyone.

I came here trying to help...Trying to keep you from falling even farther then you already were...

I saw Rob here, I saw Puppy here, I saw CG here and I have seen Gno here...

I saw you struggling and tried to help and in turn you took a very very small portion of my thread, wadded it up, set it on fire and then threw it in my face.

You can type 80 words a minute or 200 words a minute - It doesn't matter - Until you stop typing and start listening everything we are all saying is just falling on deaf ears.

You are the most defensive person I think I have ever seen in my life...You justify more then some WAS...You blameshift just as well...

You have ZERO manners, you are extemely rude and I can imagine you would be an over-talker IRL...

You came here for help...You have some of the most wonderful people on your thread and yet you don't take their advice...

If it isn't someting you want to hear then people are attacking you or don't understand your sitch -

NEWSFLASH - Your sitch isn't special because it is yours....

Different names, different times, different aspects - It all boils down to the same thing and until you can get that through your thick head, NOTHING is going to change for you.

[Gardener]

Hi, all,
I have been lurking and sitting this one out.

But I have to say that as many times as I have praised the brave, compassionate, selfless, wronged, kind people on this board who look beyond their own very real pain and reach out to help - and bond with - total strangers, I have never seen such an outpouring of genuine -though for the most part completely unheeded - care and concern as I have on this frustrating thread.

A good, honest, paying-it-forward, amazingly determined and concerted effort to help that is met by little more than "yeah, buts," denials, excuses, poor-me-isms and rudeness directed at the very people who are giving their time, their effort, their hard -won experience to help yet another total stranger...who doesn't seem to want it or to appreciate it at all: just refute, refute, refute.

I say "God Bless You" to Serenity, puppy, robx, citygirl, daddyl, pearl, et al, for a valiant effort!
Perhaps it will all sink in and register eventually, if not immediately.
You should all be proud of yourselves
I am.

[robx]

[quote=Serenity13]
They don't do it to hurt people either. I know they don't.

Have you seen "Deadliest Warrior" on Spike TV?
They actually put me on in one episode, "robX from db.com!", apparently after a 1000 rounds with each of history's best warriors, I'm deadlier and more vicious than shaolin munks, green berets, ninja's, knights and pirates put together.... LOL!

I don't come on here to hurt anyone on purpose,
I have to assume that no one comes on here to do that,
that would be mean.

But I'm blunt, direct, straight to the point and I do it so that the people I talk to will develop a thicker skin, a sense of humor and the ability to do something similar in their own situations. When you learn to stop being a doormat and start standing up for yourself, you'll develop similar characteristics and it doesn't mean being an a$$hole or a prick either.

I am not hear to blow sunshine up anyone's a$$,
and since we're on the topic, how would one accomplish such a task? Blowing sunshine up someone's ass? That's like mission impossible part 4!

It's was a great weekend, hope you all enjoyed it.

[james217]

Mother: retired counselor psychologist teacher (working parttime as a substitute teacher)

Father: retired government auditor and teacher (working parrtime for the county)

Sister: happily married and a network admin

Then theres me.

I graduated from highschool with honors debate team computer club. etc etc. Went to school for computers. Dropped out and worked 2 jobs. Consistently active in church and the community. My grandfather was a preacher until he died.

Pretty much I was sheltered. Not allowed to do anything.

In 1997 I was a victim of police brutality. I was handcuffed to my hospital bed brutally beaten with officers joking about putting bullets in my head terrorizing me.

I spent a year in court. No witnesses would come forward out of fear. Evidence against the officers disappeared. I finally had no choice but to accept a plea bargain or face life in jail. I did five years probation before the judge finally looked at my case and it was overturned. My public defender never stoped working on my case and I guess found evidence exonerating me.

I did everything they asked. All of the random drug tests, home visits, the ridiculous amount of community service hours all while working and going to school.

I was able to find good jobs and work. Around my final 2 years of probation my record began showing up. I'd get good jobs and lose them because I was told I had a record.

Even after I got off probation and was exonerated, my record was still inaccurate with the DPS. I had to send the letter signed by the judge to them to get it cleared. The dps allows background check companies to purchase records but updating them is not enforced or required so I would find work and still lose it because of this and even if I showed the company my letter exonerating me overturning my conviction and wiaving my indictments (it even says it on the document) I would be let go.

I finally began seeing some progress. Then in 2006 my vision began failing but it was not bad enough to qualify for state help.

I started my own company designing websites, computer repair and even some music. I mastered engineered recorded people and dabbled as an artist myself. Work wasn't always steady so I would work whatever job I could find to try to support myself.

I have been in several awful relationships. I have been hit abused threatened and slmot killed by people I have trusted.

Last year as I was just laid off from my job at apple, I was living at my own place.

I was the target of an invstigation because law enforcement can still see my expunged record from over 7 years ago.

They came into my house tazed me in front of my children and father and a few friends with no warrant. They were looking for a murder suspect and went to MY ADDRESS INSTEAD OF THE ADDRESS NEXT DOOR.

I spent a week in jail before I was finally released. Once again charged with a violent felony that got thrown out. I was issued a public apology.

I began having seizures, memory loss and other health issues such as dizziness after this.

The day I got out of jail officers came to my door with guns drawn stating once again I was a suspect for something I knew nothing about.

I filed a complaint with my father and officers got fired. Mother: retired counselor psychologist teacher (working parttime as a substitute teacher)

Father: retired government auditor and teacher (working parrtime for the county)

Sister: happily married and a network admin

Then theres me.

I graduated from highschool with honors debate team computer club. etc etc. Went to school for computers. Dropped out and worked 2 jobs. Consistently active in church and the community. My grandfather was a preacher until he died.

Pretty much I was sheltered. Not allowed to do anything.

In 1997 I was a victim of police brutality. I was handcuffed to my hospital bed brutally beaten with officers joking about putting bullets in my head terrorizing me.

I spent a year in court. No witnesses would come forward out of fear. Evidence against the officers disappeared. I finally had no choice but to accept a plea bargain or face life in jail. I did five years probation before the judge finally looked at my case and it was overturned. My public defender never stoped working on my case and I guess found evidence exonerating me.

I did everything they asked. All of the random drug tests, home visits, the ridiculous amount of community service hours all while working and going to school.

I was able to find good jobs and work. Around my final 2 years of probation my record began showing up. I'd get good jobs and lose them because I was told I had a record.

Even after I got off probation and was exonerated, my record was still inaccurate with the DPS. I had to send the letter signed by the judge to them to get it cleared. The dps allows background check companies to purchase records but updating them is not enforced or required so I would find work and still lose it because of this and even if I showed the company my letter exonerating me overturning my conviction and wiaving my indictments (it even says it on the document) I would be let go.

I finally began seeing some progress. Then in 2006 my vision began failing but it was not bad enough to qualify for state help.

I started my own company designing websites, computer repair and even some music. I mastered engineered recorded people and dabbled as an artist myself. Work wasn't always steady so I would work whatever job I could find to try to support myself.

I have been in several awful relationships. I have been hit abused threatened and slmot killed by people I have trusted.

Last year as I was just laid off from my job at apple, I was living at my own place.

I was the target of an invstigation because law enforcement can still see my expunged record from over 7 years ago.

They came into my house tazed me in front of my children and father and a few friends with no warrant. They were looking for a murder suspect and went to MY ADDRESS INSTEAD OF THE ADDRESS NEXT DOOR. I had swat team and a ridiculous amount of police cars outside my residence. I was put in an ambuldance and lost coinsciousness.

I spent a week in jail before I was finally released. Once again charged with a violent felony that got thrown out. I was issued a public apology.

I filed a complaint with my father officers got fired. the fired officers came to my residence and pointed guns at me (again with no warrant) and their badges covered. A complain was filed another apology issued.

some of these same officers worked part time at the college. When I had my seizure and then woke up ranting and raving to no one in particular they drug me through the entire building almost broke my cane and took my educatoin from me after harrassing me for months. I filed complaints nothing was done.

During this time WAW was in mental facility suicidal. We had our money stolen a false eviction place on us and our credit ruined.

I am currently in cousneling to deal with this. but the cps case with SD8 has all of this in the report.

I've had my disablity denied two times. One doctor even said I had perfect vision in both eyes. I couldn't believe it.

WAW has hit me thrown things at me screamed at me and hurt me badly. I know it was due to her medication and stress I forgave.
Sometimes I defended myself.

I had an evaluation that determined due to all of this and the tazing that my brain is no longer functioning properly causing interpersonal conflicts vertigo and seizures. Waiting to see neruologist about that.

I nursed WAW back to health. Now she's gone. She said she understood what I was going through.

Then I found out I had diabetes. I still have no medicine to deal with it. I'm waiting for that.

Then I found out I need a cornea transplant.

I don't enjoy any drama. it's part of the reason I have painfully stayed away from s3.

his bio mom dropped him on me on my bday told me to keep him for a month. called the police and said I kidnapped him and brought them to my house a week after my mother had 2 surgeries. I had to provide emails of the text messages proving my innocence. The police dept said that what she did was totally wrong and if she did it again they would put her in jail. But I refuse to go near it. So I just make payments and get to not see him. I tried to see him yesteday but she wanted to be with me and I'm afraid to be around her so I won't do it. If she will do that type of stuff there's no telling what'd she do if we were together in the same place.

I've had s3 most of his life. It hurts really really bad. I pretty much cry every night but to avoid that "drama" I just don't get to see him until I can fix a few things and file contempt

So excuse the heck of me for not being a perfect person. My body and mind are rebelling against me. I'm scared of the surgery. I have been brutally attacked and beaten several times. And my WAW has done the same.

For all I know I could find out im bipolar now. I really honestly do not know.

I know that since I have gotten tazed that I'm a mental and emotional wreck. I have nightmares. I shake and twitch in my sleep (WAW TOLD ME THIS) sometimes I sleep walk and black out not even remembering how I got where I am.

yet i'm fighting. I'm trying to make it. I never used to cry this much and then feel fine. I never used to feel or act the way I do. That's why the IC is so freaking important to me. so is the anger management and any other type of services they can provide.

so excuse the freak out of me if I don't take kindly to "i have no balls" and other talk like that. Because that sincerly hurt my feelings serenity.

I have not went on ANYONES THREAD WITH THAT YPE OF TALK.

I lost my best friend too. All because I don't know how to deal with all of this stuff. All because I'm not right? All because I can't even explain half the things I say or do anymore.

I have no control I feel myself sliping away each day and it's more than WAW.

bUT SHE MADE A PROMISE TO ME NOT TO TURN HER BACK ON ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE HAS PRETTY MUCH DONE BECAUSE I'M NOT "NORMAL" anymore.

She saw all of this unfold last year and heard what the doctors psychologists and everyone told her. But I'm still shytted on by her. I'm still treated awfully when I think I'm trying to do things to help her as well

Maybe this board just isnt for me. I'm sorry if you keep telling me the same stuff and I keep asking questions because I'm not able to think or access everything the right way all the time.

I feel like I am losing who I am my memory and my iq is getting lower. Words I try to think of don't come anymore. I blurt out things and don't mean it. I use incorrect words because my vocabulary isn't the same.

But thank you for what you stated earlier. I will write it down.

[james217]

I'm glad pretty much everyone here is so patient and understanding with someone who is really trying his damndest.

I'm sorry for ever joining this board. I will no longer post here since I'm so rude awful terrible pretty much stupid crazy have no nuts and all the other kind words people have had for me.

I hardly remember posts on here unless I write down information to remember and what I put in my journals. But that's fine.

Sometimes I just stare of into space forgetting im on the phone about appointments or any of that. WAW did all of that cause I would forget.

maybe i'm schitzo maybe i'm biploar who freaking knows. All I know is that somewhere deep down inside i wish I was the normal loving person I used to be.

I'd honestly rather be dead than to live life like this anymore. I dont even recognize the person i've become anymore.

so thanks everyone for trying. maybe i'm just a lost cause and I should just grant WAW her freedom because I will probably never be normal again.

[robx]

...bUT SHE MADE A PROMISE TO ME NOT TO TURN HER BACK ON ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE HAS PRETTY MUCH DONE BECAUSE I'M NOT "NORMAL" anymore.

She saw all of this unfold last year and heard what the doctors psychologists and everyone told her. But I'm still shytted on by her. I'm still treated awfully when I think I'm trying to do things to help her as well

since you have made this observation all on your own that she responds this way to your actions, it would appear to me that you should stop doing these things instead of trying to get her to understand you - her understanding you isn't going to happen, time to let go and move on.