Allen you are right..we agree on most things...the real losers are these b****** OW/OM eventaully who must get their day for casuing so much unhappiness and pain in families especially where children are involved.Its not fair that one human being cam cause so much pain to others...I start counselling tomorrow..bit of a quack myself!!! but I know the pain like you guys..hellish.
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
I still maintain that OP should face criminal charges for attacking a family like this... if Pass' OW in her situation simply broke into her home, spraypainted her wall, and took a used stereo OW would be behind bars... compare the emotional damage the OW's preying on Pass' home using infidelity rather than burglary... It pales in comparison...
Vandalism and petty theft are easily resolved compared to the damage an affair does... But for some ridiculous reason the theft and vandalism is illegal but infidelity isn't criminal by law.
I like the theft/vandalism thing. Hmmm, maybe something for me to lobby for.
Saffie is right, though, Allen. OW and H WERE exposing. He took her around to his friends, introduced her, took her to our restaurants where the bartenders/waitresses know us. It was/is embarrassing. He told our best man they were going to marry and I'm crazy, told him to tell the other man in the group, and the bartenders where we've been going for 15 years on Thursdays after his karate class know - even to our favorite restaurants.
Pass we will give you an alibi..in fact we can all give each other one! Vigilante group for OP's.I agree Allen..its criminal. In Scotland we would call her a minging, schemin, dirty whore...sorry if I offend.My H bird is refered to as the gym exercise bike..well used and oiled..god forgive me..It amazing what they bring out in you..I am still in kill mode Im afraid.Signing off for the night will include you all in my prayers..(AFTER FORGIVENESS IS ASKED FOR CRUDE LANGUAGE!!!)
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
I like the theft/vandalism thing. Hmmm, maybe something for me to lobby for.
Saffie is right, though, Allen. OW and H WERE exposing. He took her around to his friends, introduced her, took her to our restaurants where the bartenders/waitresses know us. It was/is embarrassing. He told our best man they were going to marry and I'm crazy, told him to tell the other man in the group, and the bartenders where we've been going for 15 years on Thursdays after his karate class know - even to our favorite restaurants.
Yup, but he was exposing as if his marriage didn't exist or was over... he was so drunk with his addiction he made a public fool of himself.
When YOU exposed him in an ADULT context with more details and showed the reality of it he didn't shrug that off.. he was outraged... If the exposure didn't matter he would have laughed it off... he didn't laugh it off... he ran damage control instead... and he isn't bragging about it and parading all over town now is he?
You honestly think YOU exposing the way YOU did didn't have anything to do with his going underground?
I think you exposing shamed him into the underground and shook the hell outa the affair... I didn't expect the exposure to END the affair, it rarely does ... the exposure is a hard hit to the affair's foundation if done well... It won't end the affair on its own, but it does do damage to it...
You're making me feel better about it Allen. Thank you. I guess without intel I don't know. I have to get back into his emails to see what he's been doing, who he's been telling what, etc.
The best thing that can come out of me checking his email is either finding out he IS being truthful and there is no contact (not holding my breath for that one) or that she's still obsessed with me. I know she spent an awful lot of time pre-exposure thinking/talking about me. That would be good to know also, I'd know how to continue my attack if I choose to go that route.
I guess knowing for sure what's going on would entirely change my position and how I faced it right now.
Pass, I think your H was drunk with infidelity at the time, and mostly still is. This makes people do really humiliating things in public.
I think your H also expected you to just walk away and allow "soulmates" to fully pursue their "deep feelings" for one another...
When you CHALLENGED, and the WAY you challenged, it disarmed him and he had little choice there... look like an ass in public by walking out on a wife who wants to work on a marriage or run damage control and go underground...
That's why forgiveness is so disarming... it makes the WS look like a complete ass when the spouse publically forgives the affair and invites their spouse to work on the marriage...
He can either hide the affair, end the affair, or just keep cheating on public and swallow the cold stares from everyone... There aren't many men who enjoy being the town deadbeat...
You may be on to something there Allen. I think you're right, I hadn't looked at it from a pride as a man side of things. That seems to me to strike a chord and is likely the very reason H agreed to no contact... he expected me to step aside and instead I told his friends that he's a repeat offender and I'm standing up for the M and what's right. Even though he told them I'm crazy and he can't stand to be with me another minute and she is his soul mate (the second time he's had this conversation with them - the first time being when he left his first wife for me) - now he looks like a fool and insincere... even though the friends will side with him in the end, he wants to be the good guy. JacT, you're right - I need some rest. Maybe I'm addicted to the advice I'm getting. I'm typically a very emphatic and intuitive person. The fact that I'm going back and forth and thinking it through is a 180 for me, but not necessarily a good thing.
I am really going to have to "find" myself again and start to use my intuition. But the advice on these boards is so invaluable and even just the support, knowing there are caring people willing to help out a complete stranger... well, thank you all so much.
