Yes MWD can do it after years of practice and why she makes a business in teaching us!(Not a criticism).There are lots of techniques that can be used but I believe she also says that the two people in the marriage need to have an appetite to make it work. Pass H is a Looney Tune at the moment.She is wasting her energy.
If she builds the right foundations and sorts herself out first she will have half a chance.
They were furious they were caught out..that doesnt mean he wants to make his M work..as you say:

They get angry when you unsettle their lives in some way...

You can adjust your sails yes agree and influence behaviour not control it..its why he switching off..as you said its a game..he knows she is trying to'control.' Transparency is a problem when you have been with some one so long.

ME 44
H 45
D 14
D 20
M 22 YEARS
TOGETHER 28YEARS
Bomb Drop 14th July 09
Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09)
MLC 3years

Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith