Face it passenger, exposure han't been a magic bullet for you for whatever reason. Doesn't matter what happened in other sitch's- it's not working in yours.
I don't know Allen's sitch, but from what I know of puppy's, appearance has always been a big thing for his wife; along with income- big motivators if you really think you are going to lose them.
You need to decide on a course of action and stick to it for a couple of weeks to see if it works. You talked about distancing yourself earlier and getting your H to look after his own kids to give you some you time- why not try that for a while? As I said before it will keep H busy and away from OW if nothing else but hopefully he will also learn a new respect for all you do for him and his family.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength