She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[steady]

tbart I just got home from being away overnight without computer access.

Just remember this - I can see how you feel that way. Because remember, whether you agree or not with what she is saying, she BELIEVES it. So her feelings are valid for her. Don't negate them. Just because you validate her feelings doesn't mean you agree with them or feel the same way yourself.

Place. Make it as neutral as possible without being surrounded by reminders of the past. In other words, if you guys argued a lot in the bedroom, don't do it there.

Leave your gripes at the door. There is nothing wrong with saying WE - as in, we did damage to our relationship. But don't correct her with a WE.

Own what's yours. Talk about YOU, the issues you have, the mistakes you made, the things you are working on.

Be open to criticism on things you may not even see about you which need work.

If you can't answer a question then state that - "I really don't have an answer to that. I'll need some time to think about it and I'll get back to you." Nothing wrong with that.

If she becomes abusive just say, "I want to have this talk with you, but I don't want it to contain disrespect, so maybe we should take a break." "i understand you're angry and you feel the way you feel. But I care about myself enough to not allow anyone to disrespect me or abuse me." etc....

Draw boundaries if you need to. The paragraph above is drawing boundaries. Notice, I didn't say she was abusing...the focus is totally on you and what is acceptable to you or not. Using the "I won't allow anyone...." does not put the blame on her, but draws a distinct line of a boundary you have with everyone. If you say, I won't allow you to disrespect me, her defenses will go up and the battle will begin. How can she argue with you saying you won't allow ANYONE to treat you like _______ fill in the blank. After all, she can't deny she feels the same way.

Hope this isn't reaching you too late.