Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

[james217]

Sorry you feel that way, James. You have been very rude to several posters here but if you feel the need to signal me out that is fine. I know I am compassionate so your opinion of my is really just that... your opinion. I also agree with you that me posting to you does no as you don't seem to understand why I am as direct about your situation. I have been in hell with my health situation so I can relate. However, if you are going to post comments about my situation please be sure they are accurate or you request clarification.

And to correct what you said about MY situation. Yes, I agree it was totally crazy to not be able to say anything about my H's affair for nearly 6 months. However, seeing you how you read my entire thread you would also know I live in a "fault" state and due to the legal strategy I had with my attny it was for the best as per the laws of my state. But I agree 110%, it was a crazy way to have to live and certainly not something I would want anybody else to have to experience due to the emotional and physical toll it took on me.

And since you brought up the night in May of 2008 when my husband came over here and a terrible incident occurred. I shared that with the group to show how awful things can be for the LBS when they do not set and enforce boundaries. It was a HUGE mistake I made and openly shared it so perhaps another LBS can see why it is essential to set boundaries.

If you have any further questions about my situation it would be best to post them in my thread.

You wouldn't dare talk to Rob or Puppy that way but somehow you decided since I am not Rob or Puppy (who have given the same advice in the same direct fashion I have) that it was okay to lash out at me. I hope things improve for you and one day you perhaps accept that direct conversation with somebody who has been through an affair, awful health issues and a separation/divorce might have a bit more insight then somebody who has not.

Then why not say that? It seems like you are being extremely hard on me. Rob and PDT give flack but they give flack to almost everyone. I expect that from them.

With you I see compassion towards others. But giving me a hard time why? Because of our health issues? To push me harder? I mean what?

I'm not near where you were C.G. I'm not as strong as you were when you were dealing with this. I wish I was but I'm not. I want my WAW to love me and be happy with me again. But I don't want her back the way she is acting and the way I'm still hurt and trying to get over things myself and work on those issues I know I have.

But it's hard not to reach out to her. She knows it. But I hoped that her intentions were genuine when she'd call to check on me and about the doctor. I don't know what her intentions are now.

All I see is her full of anger and rage. I wish I could take all her pain and hurt away.

It's taking everything in my power not to text her. or call her. or check on her and see how she's doing. Or to talk to her about my day and other things.

She was truly my best friend and one of my only friends. so detaching is way harder.

I guess it's hard for me to understand how love cannot conquer all. HOw by being nice and kind you can't impact or influence and show someone that love is there.

How I can sit at someone's bedside every time they were sick and they say things about how I don't care and want to hurt them?

How I can just be avoided and forgotten? That's what the dates were about. Showing her I cared. She told me she didn't love herself God didn't love her and she was a terrible mother and all this stuff that made me really sad.

Yes we argue. I'm very confused. One day it's this way the next day totally opposite. Then we ML and go out and it's passionate and it's like she's forgotten that focus on bad things?

I'm trying to detach. But whenever i go to the doctor I think about her not being there with me like we both used to do for each other pushing ourselves to try and get well.

How can someone go from being this loving caring person to this hurtful person who only seems to care about herself and surface material things and clothes and stuff like that?

She never used to be that way. She used to appreciate the little things.

I have not cried this much in my entire life.

I just wonder if she misses me at all. If I showed enough love. Why she hates me so much. Someone who has been there.

I do not understand it. So I'll stay dark (and really try to do it) but I've been even sending texts on my phone typing them up and then deleting them right before I send them.


I took the stuff animals over there and left them because I felt that bad and like an idiot because she never mentioned how hurt she was about lunch. I felt that bad. I thought the stuffed animals would cheer her up.



I don't even know if there's any hope in my sitch anymore