Well fortunately (?) H was sick and excused himself early. We had some other friends over and had a great time. It's just so sad to not do things as a family any more. Sooooooooo sad. How much he misses out on in S's life. I'm so sad having a broken family.
But I did really well. I was just polite to H and didn't engage.
congrats on the friends coming over and congrats on not engaging! yes, the broken R and broken family stuff HURTS. good to be reminded that you still can have some good times with friends despite that pain and despite H's withdrawal. lately i'm trying to remind myself of all of the times my happiness and good times has been totally INDEPENDENT or even in spite of H
so H comes over today to swap with S and of course is on the phone as he walks in. great way to have the upper hand and avoid me. VEry rude as well, doesn't greet his son or me. Classic blocking move.
How am I supposed to be doing the rejecting when he always gets there first?
Still trying to focus on me - off to rehearsal.
Stuck on - how can H think most of the R problems are me and getting away from me is the answer? He literally hasn't looked at any of his contributions or personality traits that created the problems. I have owned my crappy behavior and he sits in his self righteous throne of invincibility. He is so sure he's right.
Part of me wants to smash that wall in MC and tell him everything he does to pull power and blind himself to the truth. The other part of me just wants to get away from the a$$hole as quickly as possible.
H4L, I still regularly get trapped in psychoanalyzing H and figuring out what he should do. I was in a big loop of that yesterday. But I'm starting to see that for what it is: an attempt to control on my part. There is so much loss of control as we watch our families disintegrate and it's understandable that we feel desperate to rescue the situation. But the bottom line is that we can't fix our Hs or even help them to make better choices. Right now it has to come from them, and from the Universe or whatever is running this show. To think that you can make your H understand anything in MC is probably not realistic. I think you should stop MC and make it clear that you're not willing to work on the R as long as there is an OW involved.
As far as greeting you and S...I set a boundary about that early on after the separation. I said that the children need to see us have normal interactions which includes expected polite greetings. He agreed to that even though it didn't come easily to him. It's probably gotten easier for him, though because he can trust that I simply will not go there with R talks.
hugs!
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
OMG guess who just walked in and handed me a chocolate bunny? And bunny used to be our symbol of our relationship?
Jeez the pullback does work. wow.
how bizarre. keep pulling back! don't get tempted to run toward him now. keep strong. bite your tongue and do whatever you have to to maintain distance.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
And remember that he is gaslighting every single time he is nice to you. Whether consciously or not he is playing games with your heart while he has given his heart to another. You deserve better than that!!!
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
my IC reminded me that many people go to their graves and never take a deep look at their part in anything. even the way they phrase their part is blame sounding.
that said, sometimest they r owning part of it but just refuse to articulate that out loud. so how will you know?
that chocolate bunny sounds exhausting. the push pull gets exhausting.
seems like time to bring up ow in mc or quit it. maybe i'm wrong.
really hard to say. don't see how fighting about it is goign to change anything. but what's the point of mc while there is one? have you asked your ic this?
