Ya, that might be the anxiety. What can you do to control your anxiety?
Besides drink? Breathe deeply, positive self-talk, watch my favorite shows, read, and talk to Boxer dog.
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If you are worried, perhaps call him to see when he's coming to see Boxer. Then, you'll have a fixed time and know what he's thinking.
This is a good idea. However, he's called ME a few times during the separation to set up a time to come by for something he needed. I will still have some anxiety about this possible scenario, unfortunately.
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I still think a date attempt is in order. The longer both of you stay apart, the less you will need each other for emotional needs. The less the connection, the harder to rebuild. That's my POV.
Thanks for your perspective. I certainly need a male perspective. If you were the WAH, how would you respond to a date request? How would you respond to one if you thought that divorcing your W was your best option?
I couldn't agree with you more about the part I indicated in red. That's been in the back of my mind for some time. Thanks for saying it and bringing it back to the front of my mind.
All the better time for him to come back to you! Wishful thinking, perhaps...
I think he views the quitting and getting a new job as an opportunity to make further positive changes for himself. He believes this is an opportunity to make more money. His brother also works at this place, and I'm sure that's a factor, too.
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Did he tell you the details of quiting?
Somewhat. He told me that the job he just quit had a lot of drama, and he didn't like that. He also didn't get paid very much, and he feels like he should be making more.
Here's the other part of it. The job he quit was a state job. You know, the kind with benefits and a state retirement plan. The kind with typical business hours and weekends/holidays off.
Alcohol is a depressant and can do wacky things with ADD/Anxiety meds. For the weekend, can you find a replacement?
I think you calling puts things in your court. You get just a tad of control over your emotions/the events occuring.
When I was ready to leave & divorce in the past, if she asked me for a date, I'd be happy because it tells me that she sees me in a good light despite all the stuff going on.
Now, that doesn't mean I'd agree. The only way to know is to try. MWD reminds us that when you get too close and you hit a nerve, you back off. You aren't getting close enough to hit a cell phone wave, so I don't think you have to worry. Play it cool and if he says no, tell him you hope he'll reconsider one day because you think your R could be much happier than it was. (or whatever).
Did you decide if you're going to make the call to mom to try to get support?
Number 8:On the other hand, am I doing what he does when he escapes?
Yes. But you're not the one hurling a bunch of hurtful comments frequently. Maybe your mind is telling you you need a week off from having a bunch of complaints thrown at you.
It gets really exhausting to get blamed all the time by someone not trying to deal with their issues. Especially when they are also spouting justifications for why they're not goign to try when they actually are just depressed or want a new girlfriend.
That is my new negative opinion. Sorry. I'm just tired of being blamed because someone else won't try or doesn't want to look in the mirror or can't. Gets exhausting. Take the weekend off. Why not?
Alcohol is a depressant and can do wacky things with ADD/Anxiety meds. For the weekend, can you find a replacement?
Oh, I suppose.
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I think you calling puts things in your court. You get just a tad of control over your emotions/the events occuring.
Good point. I need some control over my emotions and the things that are happening.
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When I was ready to leave & divorce in the past, if she asked me for a date, I'd be happy because it tells me that she sees me in a good light despite all the stuff going on.
Once again, it's good to have your perspective. I wouldn't have considered this.
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Now, that doesn't mean I'd agree. The only way to know is to try. MWD reminds us that when you get too close and you hit a nerve, you back off. You aren't getting close enough to hit a cell phone wave, so I don't think you have to worry. Play it cool and if he says no, tell him you hope he'll reconsider one day because you think your R could be much happier than it was. (or whatever).
Excellent thoughts! I've left things alone for a bit, so maybe it's time to start experimenting again.
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Did you decide if you're going to make the call to mom to try to get support?
I've extended the olive branch to her by inviting her to something this coming Monday night. I'm getting recognized by my place of employment at a board meeting, and I sent her and H an e-mail forward about the reception and event. Neither replied. We'll see if either shows. If she shows, then that opens the door to setting up another time to see her and have a chat.
Number 8:On the other hand, am I doing what he does when he escapes?
Yes. But you're not the one hurling a bunch of hurtful comments frequently. Maybe your mind is telling you you need a week off from having a bunch of complaints thrown at you.
Ha! You mean I can take time off from this? I'd love to. I have not dumped on him throughout this whole event, so he has no idea how it feels. I DO need a break.
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It gets really exhausting to get blamed all the time by someone not trying to deal with their issues. Especially when they are also spouting justifications for why they're not goign to try when they actually are just depressed or want a new girlfriend.
YES! YES! YES! This is my life. It is ridiculously exhausting.
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That is my new negative opinion. Sorry. I'm just tired of being blamed because someone else won't try or doesn't want to look in the mirror or can't. Gets exhausting. Take the weekend off. Why not?
Don't apologize! I can identify with your feelings. And I mean completely identify. I like the idea of having off for the weekend. I'd have a better one if I did, right???
rr22, I've had a weekend free of H thus far, and it's now Sunday afternoon. It has been pleasant and peaceful around here. I've done quite a bit of yard work, and I made yet another home improvement store visit. I'm on my way back out in a few minutes to get my one tomato plant in the ground (so that my father will continue to accept me as his child) and water my flowers. Big day for me, obviously.
I've done some research this morning and printed a number of articles from online. Once my outdoor work is done, I plan to settle in to read the things I've printed.
If anyone is interested, I found some good things at these places:
*www.jamesjmessina.com [articles on improving relationships (flowmom actually recommended an article from here, and there are several others that are interesting, too)]
*Games in relationships--games people play by Eric Berne at www.relationships-explained.com [info on the psychological games people play with each other in relationships (e.g., persecutor, rescuer, victim)] PLEASE NOTE: The top of this page has suggestive/explicit pictures. Now you can say I warned you.
Hope these are helpful for anyone interested in these topics!
Thanks for those links. I'm going to check them out. I'm very excited that now you will make dad proud with that tomato plant. I kept busy with friends all weekend. It helps keep mind off of neverending H sitch some. It's positive but also kind of like passing time until the sitch breaks one way or another. You can only rush the sitch by immediately getting out of it yourself. Otherwise you have signed on to be the object of indecision and accusation awhile.
Hope you have a good week and boxer dog keeps out of trouble!
I also think if you haven't hit an anger stage yet that you are going to start having them at some point. Beware! They're no fun.
(or whatever).
