Are you refering to the WAW's lack of respect for her H?
I feel like I say this so often and can't keep up with who I have already told, so you may see some repeating.
Anyway, the way we women are wired, we can't feel attracted to a man who we can use like a doormat. We can't be sexually attracted to our H if we cannot respect him. If there was a list of requirements for husbands, respect would be at the top.
When I speak of respect, I am talking about a regular guy who has the spunk and self-esteem not to allow his W to talk down to him, take advantage of his good nature, treat him like dirt, etc. You see, he does not have to do a crime or anything like that, in order for her to lose respect. Neither does he have to treat her badly in order to get respect.
The most common trait that I have observed is a passive man who is seen by everyone as a really "nice guy", but he never stands up to his W or call her out about her bad behavior. He just hopes that one day she will see what a wonderful person he is and will start treating him better. In the meantime, he doesn't understand why she doesn't want to have more sex. It's b/c she has lost respect and admiration for him and he is not attractive to her.
Your W doesn't want a BFF in her H, she already has friends! She wants a lover. But she won't see you as being that sexy, confident lover if she wraps you around her little finger. Some women get to the place that they actually bully the H...and he just keeps taking it.
If she puts on a sad face, you try to make her feel better. You talk to her for hours on end...and even about OM. That does not show her a strong man who is confident in who he is. That does not show her a man she can't have. The truth is that your W knows she calls the shots. She knows that if she decided to go back home tonight, you would welcome her back and probably without asking too many questions. She needs to feel that her chances of getting you back are slim to none. She needs to see you moving on without her and having a good life. She needs to stop hearing from you! She needs to stop seeing that you are concerned about her or what she does. She "needs" for you to stop being a nice guy with her.
Your W is trying to find a man who is stronger than she is! You have not been that man for her. She is in & out of A's b/c she is seeking that person who will keep her in line (without abuse) and she will admire him for being the man he is. Oh, she will test him to see how much she can get away with, and the the more she gets away with....the less she will want him. That is why a lot of young women are drawn to the "bad boy" image.
So what you see as being a nice man....is probably you being a passive man. That is not attractive to her.
You have done a lot of talk about NC, but you still email her. Now you have told her you are moving on. So....cut the emails, etc. Don't be available and don't try to set up dates hoping your W will see you out with the date.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
