My husband is addicted to an emotional affair

[nicole8]

Thanks for the insight. I know my h has issues and I think it is all related to him not dealing with the loss of is father who was the most importatnt person in his life. I'm not 100% sure the ow is leaving town in May...I hope she is, but I also know it wont solve any problems and that he stil might not come home or he might find someone else again.

The h just seems to be stuck in this weird limbo fantasy world that he has created. His whole world now revolves around getting her to talk with him and/or spend time with her. It is so high school. I spoke with a db coach last night. I really liked talking with her. She had some good insight into depression. She said he is living his reality because it is what he has created for himself. When somone tells themselves that things are horrible and unfixable they begin to realize it as the truth. I told her my h didn't think us spending less time together the past 4 years was as issue. She laughed and said that is a huge issue.

She used an analogy that if you stop water the grass and tending to it the grass will be greener on the other side. But it won't always be greener on the other side. She said affairs typically last 6-9 months.

She asked me some good questions and she said that the fact that he does panic and call to do his check-in and ask where I was and with who, IS A GOOD THING. He is scared and affraid. I know this, but I also think he is an ass right now.

She suggested I see an IC. I did meet with a IC a few weeks back and I did not like him at all. I will try this week to find somone different possibly.

The db coach also suggested that maybe I should mix things up and see what works. Being dark or possibly trying to create conversation with h or doing things together. She suggested reading the Five Love Languages which I am already reading. She also said that men love to feel important and have their egos strocked....so compliments might be helpful to boost his self image and that I need to try and change my appearance of him.

I'm actually really confused about what to do. I am just so fed up with the h and feel he has completely changed under the fog he is in. It is like he threw all of his morals out of the window.

I'm just confused today and still really thinking of sending a letter or something to the ow with facts and statistics about relationships built on lies.